#1566 together

bedtime dog walks on cold, wet nights
doing the dishes
cooking
cleaning
the things we dread
are the things we would miss the most

#1565 shuffle and mix

shuffle and mix
leave and return
shuffle and mix again
until you love, until you hate
until you start turning the's back to a's again
then release it and ignore it

#1564 ixnay

i tried a happy poem
about love and flowers and home
then i deleted the silliness
and wished I was poet who could write happy poems

#1563 early spring

the sky matches the snow on the ground
a worn white
we wait, for summer or for new snow
a good day to view through a window
soup on the front burner

#1562 Eddie ate dynamite, good bye eddie

just six strings shaking
lean long lines of metal vibrating
speaking to the air that speaks to more air that speaks to more air
finally whispering in your ear
somehow, between ear and brain
those metal strings' trembles
find meaning, emotion
without word
don't tell me there's no such thing as magic

#1561 a special person

Jack doesn't know what day it is
can't even recite the days of the week
Jack doesn't talk and he sure does drool a lot
but he's got it all figured out
smiles with loved ones is what life is all about
good meals and uninhibited happy squeals

Jack doesn't know what day it is
can't even tell you what year it is
Jack can't walk and he sure does poo a lot
but he knows the secret to this life
fight the nap and find the light
where there is noise there is fun
and he's not even one

#1560 trader

traded in my father's calloused work ethic
for a soft-handed degree
find myself sitting on a couch staring at an oversize tv
swapped my mother's appreciation of the simple
for a house full of stuff
where we never have enough
traded the best of what they gave me
for soft hands and gluttony

#1559 lucky lucky

I can't keep up
the tempo
the pace
too much
I choke
like a 1-year old with a chicken bone
such is life

#1558 marx and marks

thoughts
creative and critical
curious
mastery
a lofty goal

the result
empty the mind
quiet
mastery
a lofty goal

#1557 early december

outdoors is the day-after ice-cream cake
browns and tainted whites
what was beautiful yesterday
id repulsive today
the ground is exposed
the snow is used and frozen-trampled
we wait
for fresh snow
to hide our ugly present

#1556

you cannot change the wave
but only make the most of it
it is not there for you
but you need to be there
be there
water was here before your earliest ancestor
enjoy

#1555 adults sometimes

sometimes
adults need to grow up
sometimes
adults need to remember their childhood
sometimes
adults need to ask for help
sometimes
adults need to learn to do things for themselves
sometimes
adults should do more for others
sometimes
sometimes
sometimes adults need to stop giving all their advice to kids
and start following it

#1554 world wide ebb

there is a line
left by the receding wave on the shoreline
like someone sewed a crooked line beneath the sand
positive space
delineating the line between beach and ocean
until a bigger wave washes it away
the poet's job is to notice that line
to see a piece of the self in that line
to reflect a piece of the world in lines of the poet's own
and I'm not there
but I did notice the line

#1553 feast of kings

he is all set
milk
and some favourite fruit and vegetables
a feast of kings

comingling in one brown puddle of mush
flying one Wright Brothers spoonful at a time
toward his face
which wears more than its share

#1552 shared bruises healing

once we were travelling the world together on one unicycle
now we are neighbours in the suburbs
chatting on the occasions when our feet meet somewhere between the bottoms of both our driveways
I chat politely, remembering the day we said we'd never grow apart
we tandemed a unicycle for chrissake
now we talk about weather and make lame excuses to end our lamer conversations
how did this happen

#1551 on pizza and the writing process

I began with ingredients that already existed
and a minor twist on an old idea
I mixed the ingredients in a glass bowl until they formed a ball of dough
I pressed the ball down with my palms
floured my rolling pin
and went to work
rolling out the dough
kneading and pressing and stretching
concentrating on working from the middle out
until I had a raw crust
I spread sauce and I sprinkled selected toppings
avoiding over-relying on cheese
slid the product in the oven and moved onto another task
hiding from the torture of watching and waiting

#1550 cold ash

the forest is gone
not one full tree left
hope died with the last leaf
that which i most believed
is ash
cold ash
now i busy myself with trifles
blocking reality as well as i can
but the forest is gone
the forest is gone

#1549 watching land and water meet

i have not read words yet
half so perfect as a steady surf
once
twice
forever
washing over thoughts
retreating to the sea
yet we still try to write them
like the surfer searches their perfect wave

#1548 toothless

and when his smile consumes his whole mouth
and the soother falls
when the smile grows to cover his whole face
still the smile grows
spreads until his body (overcome with the smile)
simultaneously swims and flies
on the spot
noises escpae from his soul through his mouth
giddy cooing
learning to let the joy out
through laughter
that's when the world promises to me that it will try to be a good place

#1547 that's her

she stands 60 inches tall
and thinks she stands 60 feet
like an egg shell,
she can handle enormous pressure and forces
but if you know where to apply direct force
she turns into a runnt mess
if she's not boss of the room she's now in
she's making plans to be
she's the most memorable one-of-a-kind you'll ever find
at a party of one-of-a-kinds
she's the one everyone wants to be like

#1546 negative feelings

in my town
the thermometer reads -24 C
it's windy
the kind of cold where you don't stop to say Hi
to your best friend
whom you haven't seen in a month
half the town has a sore back
from tensing it to brave the cold
local news announcers warn, Keep your pets indoors
and I am on a beachside vacation

#1545 a discarded leaf blown by the wind

he's scrawny
looks like he needs a good feed
and polite and quiet
and troubled
him and trouble have ways of finding one another
he always looks like he missed his last hair cut appointment
and like today is laundry day- and grocery day
but he's here
he's been here all week
second row from the front on the left side of my classroom

#1544 tiaras for sale

She is a queen wearing nothing but a dollar store tiara and a hope for a nation

She daydreams of policies found on kinder garden walls: Be Nice, Respect Others, Have Fun

She knows every character in her head by name

Why she swallowed the pills we can always ask but she can never answer

Did she demystify her own fairy tale into what it was

Did her soul swallow them, tired of being disappointed with the human gap between potential and reality, and take her body with it

Did she tire of finding no one else willing to dance to the tune of their own kazoo

Now she is in a kinder garden

Of smooth stone and small letter t’s and flowers

And well-trimmed grass

A garden of equidistant  members

Standing

Waiting

For an end that’s already come

#1543 can you sign this card for the big guy?

God's quitting
he just put in his 2 weeks' notice
he was tired of the politics
tired of not being appreciated
tired of the lack of support
they're looking fora replacement,
but who'd want that job
he was doing the work of twenty

for retirement he's moving to a shack in the woods
off grid
says he's sick of people

#1542 the real poets

how do they do
the rhythm, the beat
the syllables, the feet
that's not for me
i say, ignoring defeat

#1541 essayez encore

each day is a coffee cup liner
you roll up the rim
and we should be excited each day we get the opportubtiy ti essayez encore/play again
donuts and new vehicles
are shit prizes compared to another day of teeth-brushing and friend-chatting, and stranger-meeting
so roll up your rim
and live life like you might not get the chance to essayez encone/play again

#1540 carpenters

we pay carpenters to build these walls to hold our junk
stuff attached to cords that fits in the walls we bought
memories we change by trying to contain
in an 8 by 10 glass and cardboard box we hang on the walls we bought
seats and chairs we think we earned
security is not a word spoken or known by the lion or the rabbit
we push the furnitures so their backs are up against the walls
looking out, not unlike the bear's cave
public spaces are just inside the door we open to strangers
the private we hide at the back
bedrooms and ugly bathrooms

the guns in these vains are discharging
no one hears them but the ears in my aorta
i'm alone in this world of loners
a stone in this field of stoners
the lost and found bucket is full of forgotten possessions
where can i find my passions and obsessions
i speed to speed and work to work
we need a wrecking ball to crush these walls into beautiful rubble
memories of our imaginary secure bubble

joseph was a carpenter
built things from trees with his two hands
with callouses for a source of power

when we fill our walls with stuff made in foreign countries
we move into bigger walls
i say burn the moving boxes filled with toxic
stop
listen to our hearts speak truth at 58 beats a minute
57
56
55
hug a sinner and high five a saint
home is the volume knob turned low enough to listen to our hearts beat
all the human hearts on this here Earth beat-beating all at once
a roar louder than the gunfire in some country we can't spell

#1539 hard truths and soft hearts

you be you and i'll be me me
then our truth shall set us free

you be you you and then we'll see
if we can swallow that bumblebee

you be you, i'll be me
that same day we'll be we

we'll be we and the world will see
our truth will set us free

these shackles are but a dream
know matter how cold and heavy they seem

blink your eyes and throw them away
collect the bill Truth will pay

you be you and i'll be me
collect the bill Truth will pay

#1538 love along the river

i been in love half a dozen times before
but it turned to re-runs and it turned to war
i don't talk to them no more
i bought this here ring for that there finger
promising that our love will always more than linger

when i met you you had edge
dancing blidfolded on some planet's edge
but like a river stone
over time the sharp spots wore down smooth
now i can hold you to my chest

#1537 Christ

And jesus you helped me through my childhood, you and Mother Mary

Like the tooth fairy, You were there when I got my teeth knocked out

You were both lies

That I thought about with my mind on my pre-adolescent pillow

Just some 2000+ year old memory of a man a bit unhinged

A loser with a strange idea

A kid with a strange ideas about men helping men

A kid with a dad with a violent past

I could get some followers if I could use daddy’s magic to walk on water

Then turn the water to whine

Just a flip-flop wearing beard come from a Momma

With the world’s most famous lie

(Joseph got some somewhere)

The tooth fairy give me loose change

Jesus

You left me doubtin my heros and all the saviours

Left me wonderin if teachers and parents weren’t another lie

Like some giant bunny

Or some overweight man who lives north and visits the world once a year, squeezing through chimneys and fireplaces

Jesus you left me with a little voice in head, come from under my pillow

A voice that keeps tellin me how I ain’t worthy and that I’ll never be anything but dirty

Your momma might be the most famous lie, but you are the most powerful

2000years and still I’m trying to please ya despite the fact that I don’t believe in ya

you gave me satan and the lord’s prayer

the words of both, stuck in my head forever

wash my sins away with your wizardry and holy water

Jesus and the tooth fairy, where are you now

I’m laying in a back alley looking at my teeth in front of me on the asphlt broken through by a weed no one notices

And I sure would love to hear a father’s voice telling me I’m worthy

And I sure could use some change, in my life and under my pillow

#1536 prooofreader

how was i to know!
how? was i? to know?

in grade school we traded green grapes for storebought cookies
in junior high we started swapping strengths and weaknesses     
i the writer, you the mathematician
words my life, numbers your domain
we were there for each other's losses, keeping one another sane

how was i to know
that your heart was bleedin, not believin
that your thinker was thinkin in ink and
that your veins was rainin pains
how was i to know

how was i to know
that you forgot to indent your three paragraphs
that you split two infinitives
that you mismatched one subject-verb agreement
but more important you broke our agreement

you help me through math
i help you through proofreading
division for revision, revision for division
you broke our agreement
you split me infinitely
put a dent in my forever
how was i to know

your number was not up
nothing adds up like why did you do the take-away and remove yourself from this equation
you knew. you knew that what you did to the left side you had to do to the writer

you showed me a thousand proofs
well here's a proof for you
i'm still here
i'm still here
and...
you're not

we share a past, your life was a present, but my future is a lost tense
the subject verbed the object, you pushed the blade.
left me here alone
sentenced me to a fragment of what i was
depression and suicide are not grammar or math
these two negatives do not make no positive
today we are a vague pronoun reference
lost
i here and you there
and i hear you everywhere

i'd give my life to math to get your life back
if you'd have just given me the fucking letter
i could have fixed your feelings
edited your perspective
instead i'm left solving for X
where X is the unknown like
what was in your heart as you dotted your last period
did you proofread the page yourself
speak the words out loud
how was i to know

the lower case letter in the proper noun, the ir- in irregardless, the letter "a" in the word definately
worthless
worth less than the graphite your pencil sacrificed for your letter
worth less than any one of the tears my eyes cried for the memory of you
grammar and spelling are worth shit. the shit stain inside the toilet bowl that i threw up in after i got the phone call from the school counsellor
why was she calling me

how was i to know
how was i to know

#1535 worthwhile

there is a feeling
   hidden in the chords
a truth
   buried in the lyrics
a miracle
   in the pauses

a mix that makes you want to hit repeat
to re-experience the same thing again
in a new way

#1534 september

used to be he smiled as he headed down the drive for his first day
now, gone is the excitement, replaced with dread
how do we get the smile back?
how do we pull him in?
how do we send him home telling excited stories?
the job is ours

#1533 frock ponds and padded lillies

jump murderer, fly sheriff
master the cards
fabricate heaven

angels melt and snowmen dance
october skies
april puddles

rocking horses meet shotgun blasts
daytime dreams
beat nightime reverie

over an ocean
on the count of three
pulled by older arms
flying

#1532 jowls

behind the cheeks is potential
though one must search deep
behind the cheeks is promise and hope
buried deep
behind the squishy pinchable jowls
is my little man
studying you and everything else in his new world

#1531 spirit bear

in another time, she was a spiritual miracle
now she dumpster dives for Happy Meals
once the thing of prayers
now we've led her to hell
she is the white of purity
covered in compost scraps
and disposable diapers

#1530 all the best

perhaps you should go into carpentry
yes, a carpenter
you are creative and you like to work with your hands
you are a stickler for detail

perhaps you should go into carpentry
yes, a carpenter
you are particular and you enjoy the process
you love being outdoors

yes, a carpenter
but my wife no more
good carpentry is about hiding things
good companionship is not

#1529 fall

the sun is growing tired
her days are shrinking shorter
she sleeps in, then retires early
the leaves are stealing colour from her bedtimes

september is a bookend in the middle of a shelf
september is when we start hugging ourselves
no longer summer
winter not in sight

#1528 sticking together

God was throwing hockey sticks one day
one left, one right
one south, one north
when by divine coincidence
we ended up on this team of two
an unlikely combination that makes a an all-star team
i would not have chosen you, you would not have chosen me
but now, would i choose you/
i sher wood

#1527 thumbing

according to my phone, i've been standing at the end of this on-ramp for two hours
five cars have gone by
one waved
one stared
three avoided meeting my gaze
my mind is running out of distractions
listing the colours of the cars
singing forgotten jingles in my head
counting the change in my pocket
if i don't land a ride soon
the worries i left behind might catch up with me on this highway
maybe i'll walk
try to find an underpass

#1526 the one left standing

It must be quite a rush

From monkey-bar playgrounds to pub and bar parking lots

They stand tall and lead with their chests

Hoping for someone to look at them wrong

Then hands turn to fists

The same hands that once so tiny

Curled around their mothers’ fingers through reflex

These hands swing on the ends of arms like speeding wrecking balls

Aiming for human faces

Aiming for blood and bone and flesh

Are these people evil

These same boys and men go home and do kind things

Do errands for their mothers, kiss grandmothers goodbye

They help others, hold others, love others

Still they hunt, at 3pm then at 3 am

It  must be quite a rush

#1525 "the system is broken"

outdated and unwilling to change
people and politics and policies
barricading success

the occassional one achieves success
mistaking these barricades for hurdles

#1524 what can wait

the lawn the dishes the bathroom
the dishes the bathroom the car
the bathroom the car the bills

playing catch
writing a note
phoning a friend

#1523 a happy tragedy

music without words
can speak to parts language cannot
a different journey for each set of ears, each soul
music can grab us by the shirt at the sternum and throw us against the locker
of our least favourite year of school
music can hold us in its palm and raise us up above mountains and clouds
a world without music could be a happy world
but a tragedy

#1522 dessert

write on walls
break one beer bottle
when we say be careful, take risks
ask questions
take shit apart before you're sure of how to put it back together
run barefoot
eat dessert first
surround yourself with good people
help people in need
know that refusing to help is sometimes the best way to help
love who you see in the mirror
find and copy heros
find and be yourself
throw rocks in lakes
eat well
enjoy junk food
see the inside of the principal's office once

#1521 buzzer beaters

the senior boys jogged to the end line
ready to run lines
thinking the coach was upset because the coach said
put all the basketballs away
but as they lined up he said
no, play a game of 5-on-5, without a ball
awkward silence
until jerry (the team clown) dribbled an imaginary ball to centre
where he prepared to throw up a jump-ball
the other boys fell in with smiles
three-pointers were hit and missed
fouls were called and accused
benchwarmers deked starters
with ten minutes left, Coach shouts
now add a ball, but don't subtract any of the fun

#1520 hat's off

here's my hat, an old ball cap
i take it off to the young who worry about the world

youth who, spend more time in their head than in their body
to the young who count troubles at night instead of sheep
the mature young
who stress that the world is not the place it could be
who lose sleep to the day's injustices
to the young who feel too much
too much guilt
too much anxiety
too much responsibility
i was once you

(disclaimer: for those who don't want to hear advice
plug your ears and close your eyes)

i was once you, so i have some advice
the worst kind of advice
simple-sounding advice that i never followed

advice #1
go use your body
walk, run
carry, throw
build, haul
whatever
just bring yourself out of your head for a while
the brain is a miracle
so your body

advice #2
physically connect with others
hug all you can
you don't have to be good at it
at least high five
human interaction is amazing
enjoy it
skin-to-skin touch is as important to adults as to newborns

advice #3
smile
look up at the sky or the ceiling, and smile
fake it if you need to
remind yourself that body influences mind
that the brain is one part of the body

let me put my hat back where it belongs- on my head
i hope your body understands what my mouth has said

#1519 late august

the sunflowers reign high in the garden
the remaining peas a fading yellow
squeezing in another backyard fire
we huddle, hoodies donned
as the mountian tucks the sun in goodnight

#1518 heartwood

this empire is rotting
from the inside to the out
we grew too big too fast
just for the sake of growing

we are rotting
from our core to our skin
we buy and lie
selling ourselves out and lying to ourselves

the only way to heal?
start over
small, real

#1517 as the sun falls asleep behind the mountain

between the mountain's black and the sky's darkening grey
are two bands of more colour
bordering the mountin is a stripe of yellow, brilliant
and between it and the sky's grey, a light purple

no wait
the yellow changed to orange
and the purple grew deeper

#1516 schooling

it's saturday
he's 15, almost 17
cashes his part-time cheque
grossed out by the net difference between gross and net pay
goes to the store
buys the stuff that makes him cool
his spirit taxed by the difference between the price tag and the till
monday, he'll go to school
a place he thinks adults invented to torture him
unaware he is paying for it

#1515 balloons

canada day
birthdays
community days
we see the ballons float
up
up
drifting out of sight
i'm left wondering...
where do they all go
is there an enormous pile

#1514 fences

words are like barbed fences
keeping people in
keeping others out
marking boundaries
tearing flesh

#1513 if

we all do what we can
some days it's more, some days it's less
some days you're the baby, some days you're the man
we can't fix it all
can't always stop what's in motion
but we can nudge and shoulder
change the direction
if we do what we can

#1512 pre-adolesence

dilly-dallying along the lake
skipping stones and cutting the devil's throat
growing up along the way
watching ripples travel away from me
rings growing in succession
this world is great
that i were to visit again

#1511 life lesson from my dog in the park

i pause
her muscles are tensed
focused
ready
i throw the ball

as it sails
she runs so hard
that i feel the ground shake and hear it thump-thump-thump
a stampede of one
when she reaches the now bouncing ball
she tries to go from top speed
to zero
resulting in a tumble of dog and of dust
out of the dust
i see a high tail
the dust settles
revealing a proud smile

#1510 the game winner

i was in the seventh inning stretch of that stage of my life
pressure was building
having fouled off two fastballs
the count as 0 and 2
i dug in my front foot
tapped air twice with the bat
tugged the short bill of my helmet
stepped in with the rear foot
breath
ready

a pitch i wouldn't swing at if the count were revered
an unlikable pitch in the strike zone
i committed
a change-up
i reached out front
contact
that sweet sound
the ball shot up well over and past the heads of the infielders
then apexed
floating down
the leftfielder tracked it toward the track
watching, hoping
but the stitched ball landed on the other side of the fence
success

#1509 dollars and common sense

kids need less excess, more macklemore
stop being whore for
the media who putting there name in the mediocre
for to score
at the expense of us jokesters
what's the last thing you bought that you thought
would improve your life
mine was a camera for my wife
1500 i sqandered
now she takes pictures we save but never see
that camera make SLR short for slayer
slaying moments
posin chosen shots frozen
photo-shoppin
reality-choppin
i want
i want
i want
i want to be free of this stuff
we call it a nice little word: interest
what it means is we we payin banks to let us live beyond our means
we all wanna be free
free from stressin alone in the morning at three
mournin our freedom, freedom we never had
we all wanna be free
free of the feelin i get from wheelin and dealin with my plastic visa
does it please ya
my master-card is my master
american express expresses america's ten-lane freeway to disaster
and here in the north we ain't no better
the name of our dollar describes our collective insanity
our lack of humanity
spending our savings accounts
and like a addict i got get back to it
gotta find a bigger hit
we let debt stress us
lie by saying we gotta dess us
to destress we buy stuff
enough is enough
i want
i want
i want
i want to be free of this stuff
enough is enough
free me from the stuff
i want
i want
i wont

#1508 ribbon

the finish line is no great feat of the heart
the feet and the heart not quitting during those 33000 strides
and the many more training strides which happen before
those are the feats
the finish line is an ending
and like all endings
full of joy and loss

#1507 sandman

an old song heard anew
a new friend with an old feeling
happy is the fellow who packs happiness in the space between his toes
i'll trade you a dime for a good story
and a nickel for your best advice
i'll go broke but i'll be fixed

#1506 blessing

i hope you're enjoying the world
it ain't perfect
but it's a tiny bit closer now that you're here

#1505 submission

and before i heard an answer
i sent out another request
so that if the first answer was No
i still had movement and hope

#1504 croup

she cut out my heart with a reciprocating saw
that spits blood like sawdust
i fell like a bomb
that never detonates
she chewed me up and spit me out
a wet sunflower seed on dirty asphalt

i lost big at love
she raked my heart across the table with love's croupier stick
yet i am the horse's ass

#1503 early bird

i started the day by starting the day
accomplished an accomplishment while most neighbours were still snoring away
i started the day by starting the day
i started the day by running 10k
i started the day by baling the hay
and doing all the accounting for May
i started the day with an hour of play
i started the day painting the house and the neighbour's halfway
and then i swam seven laps of the bay
i started the day by sytarting the day
now i'm going to sleep the rest away

#1502 awareness soldier

a poet is a soldier who fights for awareness
hunting for the special in the mundane
words are the ammo
writing  is the firearm
he wakes early
has tea
thinks
watches
daydreams
for every hundred he writes
one might be good
so he must write many

#1501 fault line

there was pressure of tectonic proportion
now i watch you
from my side of the fault line
and as amazing as the phenomenon is
the physics
the power
i just want to be with you
not to have this fault line bewteen us
you satre in the same direction i do
so i'm left guessing your expression
reading the back of your head
know
this is my fault line, not yours, not ours

#1500 a mile

we rip families and cut communities apart
then act surprised and confused
when ripples continue a generation or two later
shocked that after disadvantaging them from womb to death
that they are prone to what we label bad decisions
my feet can't walk three steps in those shoes

#1499 less

her violent smile
gives me guilt
for sins uncommitted
still, her injured eyes
make me feel
i must have
and so she exploits the world
one meaningless item at a time

#1498 a small toast

hello teeny ears
can you separate music from sound, words from noise, lyric from song
hello tiny hands
do you know the line where you and the world meet
hello little nose
do you know Mother's smell after she leaves the room
hello new mouth
do you get tired, with everything being new
hello wide eyes
here's to you, always seeing yourself as perfect as i do

#1497 gone?

where is the pretty girl
the one whose scarf always matched her socks
where is the pretty girl
the one whose ear played toward her shoulder during her first words in our conversations
where is the pretty girl
the one who tries to hide her smile
a habit left over from adolescent braces
where is the pretty girl
tell her i miss her

#1496 fashion lessons

the mountain has packed away her winter clothes
revealing summer greens
vibrant
her ground holds heat the way she holds her inhabitants
without judgement or expectation
and like students in a foreign language class
or in a typing class
we fail to appreciate the merit of her lessons

#1495 sound philosophy

my favourite weight in this world
is the weight that i wait for each day
i wait for the weight of his weight on my chest
his ranine but angelic position
he has much to teach his dad and his world about perspective and sin and patience
all things which he cannot name and does not understand
skin to skin i stare at him and he
teaches me to be
just, to be
and in this profound moment between father and son
i smile
the way one smiles when he knows he has found a shortcut to the secrets of our universe
then i smile wider
because his response to this profound moment
is to release a significant amount of thunder down under

#1494 slippery trout laughing

i stand, roadside
knee deep in lake water
fishing with my hands for trout hanging out by the culvert
i've been fishing for three hours
and the fish still tease me
i can touch them, feel them slide away
watch them come back to tease me again
still i try
achieving the impossible
is worth the effort

#1493 change is imminent

this should be special
this should be more than a task, a dreaded chore
yet here i am
pushing plastic
filling space
spending life

#1492 how long is a second?

the screen door creeaaak-SLAMS
as we enter the playground called summer
lakes and bikes and beaches
the clocks remain the same
but the time they measure changes
late nights and forgotten mornings
oh slam door
let me be young again

#1491 touched

when i see her, i cry
she is not a sad person
i do not know her well
but she sings
and i heard her sing the right words at the right time in my life
now
when i see her, i cry

#1490 someone murdered the sheriff

who murdered the sheriff
cried the townspeople
fearful of a world without an authority
to tell them what is wrong and what is right
but they hear the deputy
survived and is doing well
and they sigh, relief
imagine a world
where we needed no sheriffs, no referees, no organizing committees
sleep well sheriff

#1489 lullabuy

lullabye goes the world
lulling itself to sleep
singing songs of self-corruption
and profit on the backs of the invisible
we can't see the crime if the victims live half a world away
each day we rock ourselves to sleep
rock a little harder
rock the sins away
rock away resonsibility
rock away ownership
rock a buy-ourselves-to-sleep

#1488 beneath the gear loft

the sleeping bag beside mine is empty
and in the morning i will pack it with me for the day
again
she loved camping
my beard grows long and tangled with my regret
i imagine her here, beside me
still i hear her voice
punishing myself
for the times i did not listen
for the kind words i left unspoken
for the times i was too busy to sit, to chat
i do not miss the expensive trips or the restaurant meals or the anniversary gifts
i miss the plain, the simple
their miracle

#1487 last night together

before you come up to bed henry
turn out the light
alice leans heavy on the rail
pulling her 78-year body to the second storey
a body battered by poverty and children and hard work and life
a life she feels blessed about
like a recovering patient, she removes her clothes
with stubborness and persistence
she listens for henry
but the tv is still on
while downstairs
the lightsgoes out for henry

#1486 80 clicks per hour

i'm floating up
a car sits in the ditch
my car
two wheels still spin
the last thing i remember
is changing songs on the radio
my baby boy
i fight to swim down
he's in the back he's in the back
then i hear him cry
and i feel the relief that i felt four years old
on the day he joined us
i'm floating up again
floating

#1485 pie

what was once a dream
is now a chore
this pie in the sky
is freezer burnt and stale
this mountaintop holds know valley view
this cereal prize
is cheap and plastic
still toil toils on
a habit of the namesake
soon to morph into something new
soon

#1484 haunted

ghosts are hiding in my eyeballs
i see them with my opens open
they haunt me with my eyes closed
i see their smiles
hear their kind words, their laughter
they are on my night ceiling
they are in my morning mirror\
haunting
and i feel blessed

#1483 white rabbit

smoke
in my eyes
but i sit
motionless
eyes open
smoke in my nostrils and lungs
but i sit at the campfire
and laugh and smile and smile and laugh with the others
drinking my oblivion into oblivion
for months,
numb has been my favourite emotion

#1482 awaiting spring

there's a big black hole
inside my soul
the sole reason of my existence and my destruction
a big black whole
darker than coal
where i spend each night on my pillow
someone paint my soul a cpring colour
yellow or red or lime-green
paint over this whole
this big black hole

#1481 straight from the hip

the sherriff looked tired
so i took him down
he had his alpha years
but then lost to me in a quick fair fight
i mourned his legend for a moment
not long enough for the buzzer flies to arrive though
now they call me a killer
but i feel the same
just a reputation to protect
and some day
some day
a young sheriff will take me down

#1480 apology to the woman ahead of me in the check-out line-up for not speaking up

you look tired
you look like this life is a mockery of what you dreamed of as a child
you look like you think life is something that happens to you
like you haven't felt the joy of waking up from a good sleep in years
please, tell me your problems
life has been good to me
i owe the world favours
please, put some of your load on my shoulders
as a thank you, i will try to remind your facial muscles how to smile
tell me about the kids and the job and the fellow (there's always a fellow)
you don't filter and i won't judge
tell me how you came to view each day as something to be passed
when did you give up believing that tomorrow might be great
why
what happened
please, tell me your problems

#1479 the smell after blowing out birthday candles

eyelashes and first stars
birthday candles and shooting stars
pennies in the well
all are wasted on me
my life, today
is my wish

#1478 green

between black asphalt and grey curb
lives a green weed
whispering that plants and nature
will outlive humans and technology
unless we stop and listen to the teachings all around us

#1477 haiku

happiness is in
extracting a dandelion
pulling, root and all

#1476 moderation

the sun is out but i am in
delayed gratification
feels like a sin
my friends run and play
whil;e i sit and work
delayed gratification
can be a real jerk
i can't sit here a moment longer
i'm going ou

#1475 T.I.D.

her eyes are borrowed from some woodland nymph
attractive innocence
her features form a maiden
smooth vulnerability
there is a skinny line between admirer and stalker

#1474 whitewalls

a clean car syas something about the man
but the statement dpends on the man
on the motivation
shine and wax
while your family's inside
your daughters grow up
without your eyes
rinse and shampoo
is this what you have to do
to chain the inner beast
keep him in his cage
buff out the rage

#1473 lake weekend

crank your window down pump your music up
find your friends, lose yourselves in the lake
fill the cooler, empty your mind
remember the sunscreen, forget the stress
chill the drinks, heat up the night
forget about it all, forget how to be fake
it's the weekend
we're heading to the lake

#1472 behind the fences

home is more than a rectangle
more than floors and walls and ceilings
more than welcome mats and wall trinkets
home is your place to go when the world gives you a black eye, then spits in it
home is the summer sound of an unpretentious beer opening
home is the window candle burning in a blizzard of long ago
home is more than a place for hosting
home is more than a place to house possessions
home is your favourite holiday meal
home is a shelter in the wild
home is more than four letters
home is its own alphabet that forms a language of comfort, of self, of belly-deep breathing

#1471 plain birds

i thought i was creative
but all my clouds look like planes and birds and spaceships
still i stare upward from on my back
surrounded by dandelions and dogshit
and all i can do is keep cloud-gazing
hoping my eyes and my creativity and the right cloud
unite
in a moment of perfection

#1470 sometime after recess and before adulthood

when did they leave
or was it me
as happy as i am to know i can live without them
i miss them
i miss the me that was
i knew life like the back of my hand
we can spin back the hands of clocks
wasted revolutions
but time is not manipulated in such ways
time is a precocious child
who must be tricked and smooth-talked and deceived
into doing what we want
and even then
the best we can hope for
is small steps

#1469 11:34

the clock shows four digital 1's
she tells me make a wish
not knowing she is my wish, my bliss, this
her
him
me
family
23 minutes pass
and i am reminded of the hell that was my life
before she turned my hell upside down
showing me heaven in a meal for two
now three

#1468 inspection

when i come around
maintain your pace
embrace your ordinariness
do not look busy for me
i want to see the miracle of the everyday
for everyday, you change lives
underestimation comes in the form of repetition

#1467 fade to black

love was an arrangement
now it's a far-fetched impossibility
hollywood's sheets never stain
and her make-up smears to perfection
they can say they find the truth of the story in the lies of the screen
but i know better
any story of love cannot be told in the two hours between credits

#1466 the nail

his hands were owned and tagged by the cigarettes and the hours given to underpaid labour
with ten kids you don't choose work, work chooses you
a tea is a tea
he watched his grandchildren throw away things that were miracles just a couple decades before
he outlived his time
and like the rest of us
time outlived him
i hope his was a simple box, well-crafted

#1465 childhood in a pail

scratched hot wheels
in a one gallon bucket
and all the hours they fill
garages and races and construction projects
everyone needs a dixie lee and a tow truck

#1464 after dark

hello night
this day's fullness
makes you a welcome guest
the pole in the pillow pulls my head to slumber
hard work and fresh air with a fresh conscience
brings the best from sleep

#1463 held

in the middle of our living room, surrounded by furniture and walls
enveloped by our house, our property
held by our community, hugged by mountains

#1462 family

it's 11:11
says my wife
make a wish
but i pretend to wish because this life is bliss
with heer and him
and me and them

#1461 and cross your t's

eyeballs are disturbing out of their sockets
naked and disturbing
all you want to do do is pick them up and stick them in
but the last thing you want to do is touch them
and even when they're gone from your sight
time drags before you can see regular ones the same again

#1460 three hands and a face

the night burns into day
as day walks into evening
time laughs at our digital clocks
laughs herself to sleep at night
beneath the sky-lights
beneath blue and black and greys
and morning shades of blood and autumn
time is a lake
and a dessert
time is darkness
time is light
time is a billion years of fill-in-the-blank metaphors
she never flies straight
she's laughing to hard
at the ticking of our time-telling devices
telling us nothing
precisely
nothing

#1459 mommy's belly smiles

mommy's belly smiles
since the day you entered this world
through the door the doctors built
special for you
mommy's belly smiles like daddy's mouth
happy you're here
adding colour to our pack of crayons
mommy's belly smiles
and daddy's proud of her
for every breath she breathes
from inside of her belly's smile
to out past her lips
diamonds are silly rocks
but love and parenthood and you
these are what makes the word special sound inadequate

#1458 pumping platelets

helicptors land and still i hear your heart beat-beat
beat-beat
something quits
the pump ceases because there is not enough blood left to pump
giving up happens when purpose disappears
platelets and blood cells flow across peat
red on black
flowing
searching wholes in the soil
forever searching for something so wothwhile
becoming a smaller part of something bigger

#1457 lub-dub

what is a heart but a long-lasting pump
how can people hurt a pump
it still beat-beats
despite the abuse
it still beat-beat-beats despite you
just like a knife in the heart
the pain came from the injury
but the death came from the removal of the blade

#1456 by dad

i wake him
to guarantee myself he's breathing
i stare at him
to convine myself he's there
i hold him
to remind myself he's mine
i love him
because there is no other way

#1455 jealous poet

his font is normal
but his text reshapes my tete
his words share an alphabet with mine
but they speak a language more intense
i remind myself that seemless ease and perfection
come only with practice
thousands and thousands of hours of practice

#1454 happily out of tune

the guitar
the running shoes
the writing notebook
   all sit idle
ever since his life entered mine

#1453 first son

i thought i loved her
i thought the feeling i had each time i saw her was love
but then mixed half of her and half of me
and the love that i filled my world
the only way it's possible
is that she made my world grow too

#1452 pride

they warned me
smug, i thought i understood
they warned me
about love
and change
and sleep
they warned me
but here i am
a proud new dad

#1451 Jack and the Beans Talk

Jack had beans for breakfast
Lunch was loads of chilli
Bean burritos were for supper

Now Jack's Mum and Dad say, "Bedtime, Jack"
Jack's Mum says, "Shhh..."
Jack's Dad says, "Shhh..."

But Jack his wide and long awake
He wants to walk, he wants to talk
(And so do his beans)

#1450 joyless kill

The coyote yelps and twists in pain
The hunter in anguish too
Seeing the pain in his five inch miss
With the power of the gun
Comes the pain in responsibility
He fires another
The coyote drops
Motionless
The hunter lowers the gun
Embarrassed

#1449 oscar

and i had days when i wanted to move in with him
rent my own room in the trash can
i had days when the world seemed like a worse choice
days full of mean words and worse feelings
i had days when i heard all that oscar left unsaid
how many cool spaces there were in there
hidden oases, cardboard-covered shelter
where demands and deadlines were not allowed
i had days when i wanted to get past his grouchness
see what gem he was hiding for himself
and other days
he was just a green puppet in a garbage can

#1448 john done

i can't write a poem about the forest, or the river, or the sun
too many have been done
i can't write a poem about love, or breaking up, or jealousy
there's too many of those you see
i can't write a poem about kittens, or puppies, or little ones
the world already has tons and tons
beauty
done
hate
done
war
done
done, done, done


i've got one
i'll write a poem about the ones i can't do because they've already been done

#1447 wrong reasons

i love for all the wrong reasons
stronger than any right reason
each tic of the clock on the wall
is a win against the odds
according to logic
i should have played roullette with eight in the chamber
but then, that wouldn't be playing
would it
i'm here
and the more you hate me
the more i know i'm alive

#1446 valley visitors

there is no house on that mountain
and no easy trail to that non-house
i daydream about moving there
helping rare visitors find the answers
that pull them up the mountain
answers to questions that pushed them up the trail
i would need a beard
white
and white hair
and an old but ageless look

#1445 the river

barb fence and dew on the mountain
and a man bigger than life
lightning and thunder
in order of appearance
even the stars are scared tonight
relatives like me whose names are new to my lips
we follow the road
home

#1444 quaecumque sunt vera

there is nothing so true as great fiction
how can you beat reality
without the bias and nuissance of fact
truth is not in the second-hand, or the position of the planets
truth is not in the exact words, every uh and um
truth is not the precise location, not plotted points on x and y
it is the right location, it is the why
truth is not the number of people in the room, it is a room in people
fill the pages with lies until truth crawls out
she is persistent and unrelenting
and the page is a great truth-finder

#1443 ready or not

walk down the hall by yourself
and open our classroom door
i want to meet you
get to know you
we've been waiting waiting your arrival
longer than you have been
stop knocking and pull open the door

#1442 hiding hope with fake humility

you praise my creation
i smile and thank you
thinking about all the neglect
family, health, self
and i hope you turn my creation
into enough action
to make it worth it all

#1441 former

i am myself
alarm clock is my enemy
i'm so sick of waking up and doing right
i am me myself and i
but we've been better
all i wanna do is sleep away the days
and couch surf the nights
sick of fighting the same same fights
my shoulder blades ache from where the wings were torn out
sometime between adolescence and now

#1440 hope

he calls me Dad and he
looks up until is neck kinks
how do i grow 90 feet tall
teach me handiness and prowess and manhood
sell me the instruction booklet
give me the owner's manual
teach me to stay calm when he lies motionless
covered in hospital bed tubes
not everything can be fixed with epoxy and a hammer
for some repairs there is no right tool
just time and hope

#1439 lost son

empty sky
live and die
cry and try
the crib mobile pays simple soothing disturbing music
rain falls in the nursery
no sirree, yessirree

disappearing into this ghost of a floor
that was built from planks of love and hope
now carpeted in fears come alive
see me
see me

you are my son
like Dad's own cloud
i stand here in the night
waiting for a first word that never comes
how can i unhang these pictures, box these toys, paint these walls
live and die, empty sky
live and die, empty sky

#1438 surrender

zip your suitcase triple check your ticket
follow the road and all its signs
find the concrete nest where metal birds take off and land
set all you need on a conveyor ride that looks so smooth
carrying every thing through a black flap
behind which you have no control
her voice echoes with each back-and-forth swing of the flap
did you pack your own, did you leave them unattended
did you pack your own, did you leave them unattended
sometimes
leaving them unattended
is the best love you can give

#1437 scaring myself

speak my language
or at least
understand
know what i need
know the taste is my world
all i really need next to love
know that i'm not selfish or stubborn or spoiled
i just have a lot of learnin' left to do
your learning is a library
mine a cue-card
find patience when i flail and kick and scream
to tired to slip into sleep
too scared to settle down
swaddle me nourish me
and i'll try to fix this world

#1436 due

let me sleep here
a little longer
i promise i'll
come out soon
but for now
let me breathe inside
this here little womb

do not push
me out
let me float float
float
a little
longer
there'll be time enough for being out, when the comin' time a comes

rub these walls
from your next room over
wish me well
let me be
let me be
let me be free
your room's, responsibility

#1435 this spring

dust clouds swirl beneath my bed
similar to the
inside ofof my head
my mind needs a visit from a broom
not unlike this here room
the clothes that fill my closet
haven't left it since the last time i moved houses
and even then they were trapped for the trip in a box

#1434 fingers and hearts

hands speak a language if you let them
combination locks
telephone numbers
guitar licks
so does the human heart
if we let it
if we keep the brain from confoundifying things
like our fingers
our hearts can
open locked places
contact other people
and make music

#1433 protecting family

we shall sit around this table
together
we will break walls by breaking bread
together
we will share community
by sharing salad
together
the big box will stay dark
the little boxes will wait until dessert is done
we will ignore the excuses
we will fight to protect suppers together
together

#1432 when being a man was hard and simple

the world was shorter then
and taller were the men
raised by mothers with hearts 100 feet around
raised, by the whole damned town
men had dirt beneath their nails
obvious their wins, obvious their fails
now we have ties
that tie men in suits
suits that don't suit men
give them their rugged jeans back again
let them be men
let them wait in hospital halls
let them be men
let them not understand women's length of telephone calls
let them be men
give them problems that can be fixed with tools and with hands
let them be men
let them be men

#1431 underwater

eyes closed
i hold my breath
falling slow
underwater
in dry clothes

life
flashes before me like a perfect movie with some kind of twisted end

i hear the music in the water
the music tells me to float down
to let the ocean bottom pull me down
pull me home

then your voice screams
quiet and distant and murky
then louder, clear
kick, Kick, KICK

my eyes shoot open
i kick right,
kick left
kick-kick-kick

the light winches me up
on the power of your voice

#1430 before walking indoors to make the decision

standing on a balcony
all humans are my minions
they just don't know it
i watch them brush past one another
each hiding their own story behind vacant subway eyes

i can make them see
give me my front-page story
let them read my contribution
let me un-desensitize
let me show these dots, these ants

they give themselves away to devices
they forget what being human means
let me remind them
let me remind them
let me bring them home

#1429 when creep is a step up

alone
in a crowded street
no wife no
friend to meet
a bubble of silence in a sea of noise
i am worse than a creep
i am a nothing
i am the invisible "0" at the far right of the decimal
but i have no sense of place and i have no value
i am a not
i am in knots
thousands of my species
walk past
i am a crack in the sidewalk
happiness is a perversion right now

#1428 the note inside my head

one finger
one piano key
dah
dah
da
dah
scream
alone in a home for five
these walls are empty
this mind is bursting
with no one to save
save for the dead

tears are a luxury
that well is dry
cold stone
dark echo
dah
da-da-da

my parents are gone
i am
the bit of the candle left
both ends burned
da-da
da-da

#1427 objects in mirror are close, and so is fear

reverse the jetta out the drive
deliberate the shoulder checks

radio, kill the pedestrians left behind
drive the nights away and sleep for daze
childhood is a beautiful monster
who works in simple devious ways

so i count regrets like sheep on the screen of a child's mind
righteousness
fear
failure to act

highway highway, hug me somehow
stroke my ego, close my eyes
all
for a tank of gas
stroke my ego, close my eyes
highway highway, hug me now

#1426 jaw

my father's lip was bitten
sucking back words
bits of food from last night's supper
his jaw
invades the bodies
of tension and power

#1425 dessert

i thought love was a dessert
a pie or a mousse or a tin of cookies
so i filled my mouth
until crumbs spilled out my mouth
then i jammed extra into my pockets
while the people who loved me
watched
hungry

#1424 kryptonite

we were tight
you and me
tight like
like superman and clark kent
and we both know who was which
but while you and your cape were flying
i was writing
and writing
and writing

then your cape was torn and you fell
i failed to catch you
failed to see that your cape was the power behind my words, my glasses, my hands

#1423 acj

she stands 8 feet minus 3
tough as gravel, gentle as a new baby
she breaks boards and fights fires
she teaches all the little liars
her bark is big
but her bite is better
you ain't met no one like this
no not ever
she was a little-bitty weed
growing in a forest of trees
now she's a big old weed
and the forest begs mercy down at her knees

#1422 offspring

words one longs for
daddy's little girl
the quiet, protective look
daddy's little girl
words he never hears

#1421 the grass grows where her trailer once stood

your body is old
but your spirit walks backward
to when crosswords would not hold your attention
i see you walking backward
avoiding sidewalk cracks and looking for treasure

and i hope you find your treasure
and i hope you know you were mine

#1420 the lame punch line in the dirty joke

i wanna meet the an i could've been
the one with no regretted scars
the one who never hurt the hearts he loved
i wanna meet the man i could've been
i am a dirty joke and the lame punch line and he is the bible and the qur'an
i might look like a distant relative but i am a fraud
let me stand beside the man i could've been
should've been
let me whisper a prayer in his ear
let him show me the way back
to being a good man

#1419 sincerely, acoustic guitar

the strings might make the sound
but the hole makes the music
lets everyone hear the notes
and though it should look funny and out of place
the hole looks normal
because we all have our own

#1418 ben

i looked up to him
put him on a cloud and expected him to sit there
not to fall
but clouds have no solid substance
and so he fell
down
down
down
then i blamed him
how dare he fall when i put him up on such a high cloud
years later, the anger has evaporated
and he is my hero again
not because of the cloud, or the fall
but because of the way he bounced

#1417 forever

this baby is coming
and as excited as i am
the birth scares me
how much can i help
but more than the birth
is that minute
we walk home, through our door
the birth will happen
will have a beginning and an end
but parenting
lasts longer than the drive to the faraway hospital

#1416 just once

you can't do anything ten times

without doing it once

days off, days on

mean words, huge feats

there is no chance of a tenth time

or even a second

without a first

#1415 the unfairness of time

father father, show me how
that was then and this is now
i look down at your shrinking frame
still 8-feet tall to me
sometimes i wish my world was so simple
that my jobs were blue
but then i know
i'd never reach the standard set by you
father father, fix the clock somehow

#1414 fifth gear and hauling weight

life is squeezed into the compact car
i slip the gearshift into reverse
roll out,
waving in the awkward way one waves
over-aware that this is a life-changing moment
then i'm on the highway, alone
as roadsigns whiz by
the dj's play the soundtrack of chapters past
and chapters ahead

#1413 in dog years

i'm the first to leave
hiding my yawns
stifling my opinion on the bar's choice of music volume
i use the excuse that i should go home and check on the dogs
everyone left their dogs at our place
fenced backyard

my dog stands, staring at me
to anthropomorphize
her star pouted
i'm tired,
why did you leave me with all these young pups?

#1412 i do

then, the weight on my finger was heavy
now, noticing requires intention
one of the everyday miracles we take for granted
like air and water and a roof

#1411 hall of fame

my mother's hands should be enshrined
the mother hall of fame
how many diapers changed
how many lunch sandwiches built
when does the committee vote
and how has no one heard

#1410 april

winter's dark ugly brown turns to spring dust
dancing like a music-box ballerina
behind each passing car
the asphalt holds warmth
holds promise
holds promises

#1409 the converted

went to the city
murdered a younger me
the sheriff wore a false badge
fooled me for years
penance was a lie designed to distract me
when i learned
i drew his gun, loaded
pointed the barrel at his phony trinket
passed him the gun and walked away

#1408 memorizing poetry

you turned the trees into words
cage/page the message
and now all we take with us beneath our headstone
is catchy jingles for burgers and beers
this is not their fault
this was us
we shackled our own wrists
and the only good news
we hold the keys in our selves

#1407 eve of destruction

you

the woods, an apple

me, and you beneath the tree

certainly a serpent there

fruit forbidden falls

before newton knew

now everything is ugly

i know innocence is lost

but still i try

penance

still i try

#1406 angel at the end of the road

the excitement of the catch

we boxed her, framed her as proof of our control

then traveled in yellow for hours

only to return again to the end of the road

she lay beside the nourishment we provided to keep our proof alive

she lay

dead

#1405 love

i used to be happy, with a book and an empty house

i still am, but only for a little while

then i start watching the window waiting

wondering, when she will be home

#1404 50 plus one

who's've guessed that the banjo would grow a cool factor
maybe there is hope for real music
that's not right, there is always hope for real music
and because of it
what i mean to say, is maybe there is hope for the majority

#1403 eyes closed, fifth row

that man doesn't play the guitar, the guitar plays him
the recording is good, but the moment is lost
the relationship between musician and instrument, between musician and audience
the song is for the moment, the moment for the song

#1402 worth the admission

there are 181 chairs

each holding one person

182 if you include his

but for those minutes

there is only him and his guitar

eyes closed

body moving the way a singer's body moves when the music takes them

his hair is a curtain that shelters him in this room with his guitar

allowing the audience only a glimpse

#1401 in the living room

i need you in the living room, said she
nothing, said he
i need you in the living room! said she
nothing, said he
so she went to see he
but it wasn't to be
for the last time he was asleep

#793 entitled

we have it all
we are not lazy
we aren't inclined against work
we just have no need
our parents do everything until we are 18
(or longer)
society will not let us fall too far down life's stairs
in fact society has a fence preventing us from getting near the stairs
with a bright ugly sign WARNING: STAIRS ARE DANGEROUS
and if we step over the sign and fall
somehow it's someone else's fault
maybe the sign wasn't ugly enough

i'm not lazy
i have no reason to work
my parents needed to work hard to earn anything
through their hard work, i am born with everything i need
and almost everything i want
i am not lazy
i am bored and ashamed
but i'm not lazy

#1400 100

soon i'll trade quantity for quality
a twig a day for a branch a week
seeing where they grow
the watering routine and the gardening methods might change
but the seed is in the ground
and soon is time to release control
soon it's up to the seed
all the gardener can do is water and weed and love

#1399 the things i would not be me without

cooking supper together
doing the laundry before she arrives home
reading together in bed
our evening walks
her questions, all her questions
and the smile

#1398 eight months

life is knocking
hello!?!
life is kicking and trying for high-fives
cartwheeling and somersaulting
growing bored
growing
not long now

#1397 good practice

he finds himself at a party
with many couples his own age
kids seem to outnumber the adults
all four and younger
several newborns
do you you want to hold her, asks one mother over the music, extending her second born
no thanks
c'mon, don't be shy, besides, she glances at his partner and adds with a smile, it'll be good practice

the baby is in his lap now, his hand supports the neck
she lets go, see, not so bad
he gives a polite smile to the mother
the baby coos and smiles
the stereo's playlist comes to an abrupt and
all eyes are on him
he can't look at his partner
all he can do is fight tears
and think about operating rooms and nurses avoiding eye contact

#1396 7am

four quick calls in succession
the crow on a branch in my neighbour's yard
telling me i should get up and go for a run
i flop my two feet on the floor
before my mind makes a million excuses
today
every day
a beautiful day for a run

#1395 1994

somewhere there is a Mixed Tape with his voice
and though i never look for it
i am afraid it will find me
especially when i'm searching the attic or the basement
for something else lost in box and in time
i a amazed by the power it holds in me
just one lost Mixed Tape

#1394 lub-dub

you can tilt your head to elevate your nose into the air
up above my rabbit hole
you can tip your chin down to look
down on how much time i spend here
hours on a couch or on my bed or on the magic-box
but when i come out
when i come out
i am a little closer to understanding the heartbeat of the universe

#1393 POP

people ask when you became You
and i'm not sure
but i remember an early day
you locked out the screen door
all the boys on the inside
you with a plastic sword in your hand
the biggest boy mocking you with a balloon filled big
with air anxious to escape
you didn't cry or whine or even pull on the door
you just stood
independent
determined

none of us boys saw the gap made by the door's window
but your smirk did
and so did your sword

#1392 machete

i'm sure you had
to go ahead of me in the
jungle with your
machete and your false
sense of confidence and without
anyone for to lead you
you were unequipped
and sometimes you forgot my feet were falling
yours and sometimes you
remembered and
were annoyed but
you kept hacking

#1391 it's 1989

the station us filled with kids
and towels and beach gear and fruit and drinks
and clutter
hard to believe anyone was ever new-car protective of her
giggles come from the back
three kids all leaning left
physically willing the car to turn left for ice-cream
the driver feigns to ignore
knowing, on the way back, he will turn right

#1390 established 1895

fernie fernie hold me tight
through the day and through the night
between two bridges, night and day and day and night
let the travellers pass on through
let those in need of healing stop to visit you
hugged by mountains hugged by life
still the ghostrider wanders still
look the other way to the hill

o fernie fernie hold me tight
i got my lies and demons to fight
between two ridges, day and night and night and day
let the banjos and the singers play
i'm sorry for what we take from you
erasing mountains erasing life
you give me three sisters but i miss my one
as the mountian tucks in the sun

fernie fernie are you alright?
below the city but such great height
between to bridges, fight and play and play all night
am i a traveller passing through
do i stop and worship you
hug him mountains and my wife
two's enough don't give me three
two's enough now let her be
two's enough now let her be

#1389 giving up the driver's license

childhood is my driver's rearview mirror
stretching out and fading away in front of me
following in front of me 'round every turn
since before my license earned
at first i stared at the buick ornament on the hood
but now i can relax and think about
things like what makes me bad what makes us good
objects in mirror are closer than they appear
said the words on all behind me
memories and dusty friends
that rhyme about 'til the end
but my principles have been my pals
and what goes up does not come down
like age that used to make me frown
now my white hair won't allow
cause childhood is my rearview mirror
and childhood it all looks clear

cause childhood is my rearview mirror

and childhood it all looks clear

#1388 dougall's lane

the half mile drive to childhood
used to be a half mile walk to the yellow bus
and we forget to see our own No Trespassing signs
my cursor knows the way
drives me, a passenger, often
in places
the treed walls so tall they mimic a ceiling
in places sides are open
windows that look one way
the trailer where i used to play
the last pitch was steeper then
reality and perception wore it down
park beneath the shade
leave the keys in the ignition
if anyone works their way out here
deserve is on their back

#1387 looking back

days and years
my worst friends and best enemies
kind words never spoken
tough words never heard
T-stops i never got to revisit
i should set up a booth at the carnival
psychology for $1
i should camp for a week
leave with a stick over my shoulder holding a handkerchief of fod

dance like the world is watching
love as though you've been hurt before
sing as though everyone can hear you
live as though there is no heaven

#1386 on depression as memory

the northern lights are doing an interpretive dance of the beauty you hand on to others
stars fall every night, to be closer to the life people get from your smile
the reason planets do not twinkle and blink, is because they don't wanna miss a word you say
gravity is a lie, the power of your love for life, is what pulls things toward the earth
the reason the sun climbs mountains each morning, is to see the world the way it is with you in it
anyone wants to know why i'm happier than i used to be:
ask aurora borealis
ask a falling star
ask the planets
ask descending objects
ask the sun

#1385 stilts

i'm searching for the something that i found in the smile in your eyes
something happens when you touch happiness
something good is created and floats into the world
there is no name for this something
but it is something the world needs ore of

for me, that something is like stilts under a roller coaster
making my highs higher, and my lows
adding joy to the cartwheeler in my stomach
and the moments before his cartwheels

#1384 the carpenter

the carpenter turns process trees into beautiful manmade items
useful
but the best
when you're alone on the bench, or in the room, or on the chair
you don't feel alone
you feel like you're alone in a church
alone with the spirit of the tree

#1383 more than walls and a roof

i ain't a mountain boy
but i weren't no ocean fish neither
i am myself anywhere and everywhere
at home no where
maybe if i were a singer
i'd find myself at home in the van on the road
or in front of the crowd on the stage
or an artist with my easel
but though i love music and art
they are not where i lay my head down neither
i guess i'm at home struggling to find a home i can call mine

#1382 the legend

he makes the guitar say things English has no words for
touches something so primal i'm not sure if his music is an ancient language
or if it pre-dates language
expressing the feelings that language tries to do second hand
like a map of the Earth tries to copy the Earth itself

#1381 it's not easy being green

during the eulogistic song
how did big bird not stop and cry
he must have stepped out of his big yellow self
as he sang about being green
must have disappeared to nowhere
or transported to somewhere
for those 110 seconds
before his big orange legs carried him away
surely, surely
he cried then

#1380 no siren here

as i headed to your house
i noticed the ambulance
it was driving at a relaxed pace
and the lights were off
unlike the lights in your house when i walked up to the entrance
i knocked
and knocked
had come so far to see you
across geography and circumstance

that's when i remembered the ambulance
and knocked harder

#1379 forgotten photos

i'm in a forgotten folder on my desktop
filled with photos
of a love i thought i had
the edges of the screen
hide all that wasn't in the shots
harsh words and selfish thoughts
disapproving glances and lonesome cots
and i wonder where she is
what she's think of me now
i am motivated to be better
but the motivation feels brown and black and grey and no shade of pure

#1378 nature's silent show

i could watch snow fall on snow for hours
like water fountains and campfires
the slow stacking of snow mesmerizes me
i sit on the railing between the world and my own head
unaware of the railing beneath me
unaware of my own staring
my gaze is pulled down
by the gravity of the white dots falling to the ground
i look back up, only to have my eyes pulled to the ground again

#1377 smiles

dear stranger,
i'm not good at first impressions
i'm awkward and unconfident
acknowledge me
smile
smiling helps me to relax
i'm more comfortable in my own head
but smiles, they convince me that its safe to come out

#1375 BM

1 kids misbehave. scratch that, people misbehave

2 understanding why someone is misbehaving helps with how to respond

3 humour is a powerful tool. use it for students, not against them

4 truth can be a form of humour

5 a caring teacher is an easy target for misdirected anger

6 a caring classroom is the result of countless decisions, and never happens overnight

7 learn from other teachers in your school

8 help other teachers (the ones who are down, the new ones, the guest ones)

9 push yourself to achieve everything you expect and hope for from students (respect for others and yourself, best effort)

10 find joy in your job

11 greet your students by name and with eye contact. learn what is important to them. not as manipulation, not as obligation, but genuine interest in learning about them.

12 tell people when you're feeling overwhelmed

13 teachers matter. i have never met anyone who didn't recall at least one teacher fondly.

#1374 i can canoe a canoe, can you?

let me begin with a cliche...
my life is a river
fast and slow and changing
and in this river
you are sometimes my canoe
and you are sometimes my paddle
i could survive without
by drifting
and being at the mercy of the river

#1373 twenty-something

hung on walls with darts, like hockey cards
we traded body parts, dog-eared our hearts in the dark
in the early morning our strategic clothes
grew out of the hardwood floor like flowers from the earth
we blamed booze for shared secrets and felt guilt for five days
until the next weekend arrived
when we chose clothes again
to go to hear the same thump-thump
in the same lighting that made us feel good
lose ourselves in the present
running from our pasts
ignoring our futures

#1372 hellmark moment

i want to send flowers
but i'm afraid of the awkward thank-you
i want to say the right thing that makes you happier
but i know i'll i'll insert my merrell in my mouth
i want you to know that i'm thinking of you
that my heart wants to take off its coat and offer the coat to your heart
instead
i write a poem you'll never read

#1371 american bobber

the paradise of river-rock shines now

between the water and the snow

a foot wide, a river long

the bobber does his dance

between graceful and awkward

finding life, along the edge

#1370 thermometer rising

we wash windows
speeding spring's victory
spread piles of snow into blankets
and wait for the sun to round the house
we pack away our biggest boots
optimistic
we fill with the feelings of hope
that new year's teased

#1369 until next sunday

cars fill empty spaces
cars
clean, expensive
well-dressed people
close car doors
clip-clop to the double-doors
for one hour, they show one another how Christian they are
then, the parking lot empties

#1368 max load

turning the wrench
twisting the bolt
spring-loaded
torquing
i feel the tension
in my wrist
in my arm in my life

#1367 building in bulk

the carpenter came yesterday
he arrived with a truck full of supplies and tools
he unloaded it all
set everything up
built me my door
packed up everything and left
it took most of the day
then he packed up and left
and i wished i'd had him build another door
to divide the cost
to make the effort worth the reward

and today i sit here
staring at my laptop screen
thinking how poetry is like carpentry
the effort to build one door
to write one poem
is more than to build a second door
or to write a second poem

#1366 flies buzz

flies buzz
lame attempts at coming to life
lazy and stupid
and i watch them
from the couch where i fell asleep

#1365 first world poetry

scarcity and deservedness improve satisfaction
the last beer in the fridge after a filling the howmow for next winter
but in this world of plenty and easy
how often
in houses full of junk and excess and comfort and ease
do we feel that satisfaction

#1364 out like a lamb

winter's feeble final attempt
fails to even hide the asphalt
disappears by lunch
except in the best of shadows

we can no longer ignore
spring is here
we wait for machines to clean streets
for restaurants to restore stored tables to patios

snow-plows slumber in hibernation
big flat shovels slink to the back of sheds
rakes and hoes and spades
eager to take the place of their winter counterparts

#1363 wishing you well

Dear Friend
i know we haven't spoken in two years
and i've owed you an apology since that night
i took your authenticity and generosity
and i hocked a loogie and spat on your kindness
i hope you take no offense to me calling you Friend
for you were more Friend than i deserved
losing my self in any moment
avoiding the thoughts and self-hate that filled my cranium
was more important to me
than recognizing the humanity in humans
living that life, surrounded me with people doing selfish things
you were different
i remember that
i can never undo what i did
and the word sorry echoes more empty than an abandoned wishing well
sincerely,
adam

#1362 the dory story of gory and glory

i thought i was strong
i was strong
in that small world
and as the old dory came toward me
i tried with every muscle i had
i found muscles in my toe nails
straight-armed and breath-held
i tried to stop her
and she hit the dock with a gory CRASH

the girl opposite me was tiny
she was tiny
a tiny girl in a tiny world
and as her dory slid slow toward her
i fretted with every muscle i had
i found fret in chest hairs i didn't even have
face-frozen and breth-held
i watched her
and her dory kissed the dock
as she guided it slightly sideways with a gentle one-handed glorious nonchalance

#1361 coalescence

i used to go with my dad to his work at night when he worked overtime at a job he didn't like
his hands were and are magic
able to fix trucks so big they needed special doors to fit them inside the garage
when he would weld he would tell me to look away
but sometimes i had to sneak peeks and steal glances
because his concentration was a beautiful thing
i had to look
because his focus caused sparks and light to ignite
between his hands and the object of his attention

that is how i am with you
your smile changes the sunlight on a summer day
changes the glow in our bed of the alarm clock
illuminates the miraculous magic in an ordinary moment
you are the extra in my life that makes the ordinary
extraordinary
your smile for life
is the rush that i'd get when watching my Dad build something from wood
that moment an hour into the creation process when i realized what the creation would be
your smile lights up the long-dark places in my being
being dark from not seeing light for decades
dirt basement rooms in old abandoned houses

the arc between your smile and my dark rooms
makes me smile in my sleep
makes me smile in my sleep
makes me smile in my sleep

#1360 the writing on the wall

in a house of walls filled with trinkets stating
LOVE
FAMILY
HAPPINESS
sits a kid
wishing the words were more than words on a wall

#1359 morning mountain (three sisters)

the clouds slide past her
evidence of the sun's existence shines through
a thousand hues of orange and purple
and i swear
i see the mountain stretch
cat-like
i see the mountain yawn
and i know the mountain is ready for today
and i know today is ready for the mountain

#1358 the ceiling

the dog snores
she gave up on finishing her to-do list hours ago
laughing in her dreams at my useless commitment
trying to climb over a brick wall that has no top
watching me climb above the clouds
scratching my fingers and knees to bleeding
still
i climb

#1357 1 a.m.

the eyes water
lids sink
thoughts slow
and zig-zag
and you know
you should go to bed

#1356 reading between the lines

we used to read between the lines
now we read online
we used to read for meaning
now we keep meaning to read
we used to have a table of contents
now we've taken content off the table
we are putting the sin
in syntax

#1355 second hand opinion

i used to read
and now i skim
to get lost beyond the clock
for hours
in a way that hours is but a misnomer
now i get lost in multi-tasking and busy-ness
in a way way that fills time
murdering time
killing time

#1354 larry

the bear spoke
and my tongue helped my ears listen
i sat in the office chair in front of his desk
he told me ugly truth
and made me hear something, i somewhere already knew
and i wish i said thank you

#1353 mastur of your own destiny

i saw you in line
you playing on stage
just you and your guitar
you were with all your friends
and i hoped you'd think of me
the next time you touched yourself

i noticed your hair
you were blonde
your hair was red
best brunette my eyes ever seen
and won't you please think of me
alone under your duvet

your clever jokes
you never spoke a word
we shared a look
we shared an aisle on the plane
and i hope i'm in your mind
in your hotel room tonight

my eyes fell in love with yours
i never saw your front
now let me be blunt
behind those closed eyes
picture me, as you touch your
self

#1352 like a baby birdie

when do you say, enough
when do you say no to a fellow human
and yes to yourself
when does too much kindness and patience and understanding
become a disservice to the receiver
there comes a time
when love comes
in the form
of a boot, in the ass
and we fly or we splat
but then the flight, or the failure, is ours

#1351 knight and day

i'm an old man in a young man's body
surrounded by things we don't need
and they hurt me
my first memory of feeling old
was in a playpen
and they rushed around me
i am a knight's armour
i am a day's sundial
and i don't fit here

#1350 dropping a sock from an armload of laundry

agh! i hate dropping things on the floor says she
leaving my mind playing with gravity
what if "what goes up must come down"
worked on people but not objects you see

what if everything you dropped fell up
soon the klutz's ceiling would be full up
we'd be sweeping and mopping our ceilings
only occasionally dusting the floors

the laundry socks, the carrot peels, the pen caps
would all fall
up to the rafters
why tall ceilings would need ultra-long mops and brooms

aren't you going to pick it up for me?
she asks over her full arms
and i notice that gravity has changed back to normal
and the furniture is no longer nailed down

#1349 the musings of a schoolteacher on June 22nd alone with his red wine and regrets and paycheques

1000 hours
and what to show
but some scribblings that will last less than a minute
in the june beach's bonfire
and maybe a few extra four letter words on inside-covers
and etched into desks
what did i achieve
1000 times 30
30000 human hours
3.43 human years
and what did i give them?
what did i give humanity?
what did i give the collective?

#1348 the institution

guard the exits
keep them in
entertain them if you need to
but don't let them out
keep them in lines
give them praise and give them punishment
but guard the exits
from 8:30 until 3

#1347 infinitely parallel

i'm the engineer on this here train
the train and i are friends
both relics of an age we miss
the present is a gift
but so is the past
these tracks
infinitely parallel
fit my life better than any information highway
my whistle may annoy you
or it may amuse you
but the whistle is a language that i will fight to keep
even knowing it will die

#1346 i am

a klutz

each day a bumbling stumble

and a bump into the furniture

with a bruise on the knee

but once in a while

the stumble grows grace

turning into an eloquent dance

such is life

#1345 happy february 14th (and every other day) to everyone

grating the cheese
stretching the fitted sheet into place
emptying the dishwasher
these are the ways that valentines
is not just one day
no what the marketers make us think

#1344 social not working

social networking
is not working socially
four of us sit in a room all stare at various screens
i throw my phone at the floor
out of frustration with the for of us and our society
the screen cracks on the hardwood floor
then the others text each other and their other "friends"
what's his problem

#1343 if you're gonna buy a 12-string, you better learn to play

fingers and strings endings beginnings
sound flows from string through ear to body
out the fingers to the air
again
again
again

#1342 shelter is a feeling

hampers and closets
under tables and inside cupboards
behind doors and on behind furniture
separate worlds
appreciated only by the young

#1341 now i get it

after days of cloudy
the sun slid out
spreading blue around it
a fresh breath of clarity

#1340 stercus canis

february snow melts thin in march
and brown flowers burst open everywhere
especially alongside trails
stemless, varying in size, with a distinct odour
i notice the juxtaposition, brown on white
but then a late snowfall
and the blossoms close and comoflage

#1339 why doesn't he want me?

anger is a door
and behind it
sadness
grief
regret
anger is the result of keeping tears in

#1338 4-foot purple rhino

honey, we are the biggest stuffy at the county fair
so big your arms can't reach around
we are what people spend all their money trying to win
they fill their lives so full, they go without happiness
but you and i know happiness is within
they can keep all their cars and view-blocking houses and money
i'll keep your smile at the end of the day any day

#1337 the hero's plummet

there is no trail to disappointment more great or more guaranteed
than to believe in people
as sure as people will breathe out less oxygen than they breathe in
stealing what they can for their own lugs
and claiming the act as a gift for the flora
as sure as that
people will let you down
they will strap on cramp-ons for the purpose of jumping on your heart
and still
i go on believing