#1536 prooofreader

how was i to know!
how? was i? to know?

in grade school we traded green grapes for storebought cookies
in junior high we started swapping strengths and weaknesses     
i the writer, you the mathematician
words my life, numbers your domain
we were there for each other's losses, keeping one another sane

how was i to know
that your heart was bleedin, not believin
that your thinker was thinkin in ink and
that your veins was rainin pains
how was i to know

how was i to know
that you forgot to indent your three paragraphs
that you split two infinitives
that you mismatched one subject-verb agreement
but more important you broke our agreement

you help me through math
i help you through proofreading
division for revision, revision for division
you broke our agreement
you split me infinitely
put a dent in my forever
how was i to know

your number was not up
nothing adds up like why did you do the take-away and remove yourself from this equation
you knew. you knew that what you did to the left side you had to do to the writer

you showed me a thousand proofs
well here's a proof for you
i'm still here
i'm still here
and...
you're not

we share a past, your life was a present, but my future is a lost tense
the subject verbed the object, you pushed the blade.
left me here alone
sentenced me to a fragment of what i was
depression and suicide are not grammar or math
these two negatives do not make no positive
today we are a vague pronoun reference
lost
i here and you there
and i hear you everywhere

i'd give my life to math to get your life back
if you'd have just given me the fucking letter
i could have fixed your feelings
edited your perspective
instead i'm left solving for X
where X is the unknown like
what was in your heart as you dotted your last period
did you proofread the page yourself
speak the words out loud
how was i to know

the lower case letter in the proper noun, the ir- in irregardless, the letter "a" in the word definately
worthless
worth less than the graphite your pencil sacrificed for your letter
worth less than any one of the tears my eyes cried for the memory of you
grammar and spelling are worth shit. the shit stain inside the toilet bowl that i threw up in after i got the phone call from the school counsellor
why was she calling me

how was i to know
how was i to know