October 31, 2010

#613 quicksilver

truth is as malleable as mercury on a kitchen counter
let it pass between your fingers
shape it as you will
when it hardens you cannot change the truth
until you change the environment, the temperature
truth...
the word, the concept, the syllable
is a golden lie
a silver conceit
a title we give the story we invent through life
life is a story invented to make sense of our inventions

October 30, 2010

#612 "now i'm a believer"

no more 2-4's from the LCB
no more sleeping in until a late lunch
not since i met her face
the face that whispers
i believe in you too much to believe you
your words like "can't" or "impossible"

i used to be an okay guy, a nice guy
sliding through life
enjoying myself
then i met her face
and good enough wasn't always good enough anymore
no more monster hangovers
back in the day all i had to face was the mirror
and i could and i did
now i face her face
a mirror that reflects the man she thinks i can be
a great man
and i don't know if i can
but as long as her face keeps believing
i'll keep trying

October 29, 2010

#611 TP

what does it say about a country
if their native population is stereotyped
as stupid addicts
what does it say about a country
if the native culture
is dishonoured
let us think again
without blaming others
let us recognize that something is wrong
something we all need to fix

October 28, 2010

#610 "nothin"

offered a toke at recess, he accepts
but coughs like a newbie
just as Taylor, the girl he likes, walks by

in science class, Mr Taylor gives him the test he skipped on friday
then, a good friend having a bad day, is sent to the office
the friend is already on "last warning"

on the way home
he realizes his pockets are out of smokes
and out of money

he opens the fridge
empty
and his Mom asks, "what happened at school today"

October 27, 2010

#609 funeral announcements in heaven

caroline? lillian? veronica?
where are you, did you stay in the kitchen
caroline? lillian? veronica?
i need you here
caroline? lillian? veronica?
no more p'tatoes to boil, let your gnarled hands rest
let your buckled knees sleep
come to bed with me
sit on the backyard swing
and listen to the radio dryer
i'll turn it up to hear gus announce
who'll be coming next for sunday dinner

#608 kenneth


those who don't go by them, refuse to share them
a secret for many
a road, a life
not taken?
an alternate identity unexplored?
worse in our mind than others
just a few letters, one word, maybe two
still
we refuse to share

October 26, 2010

#607 october 26, 6:30 a.m.

the dog sighs from her bed
my mind agrees
the heater fights the outside's cold rain
this morning is a tea morning
colder days are yet to come
but this feels colder than many will
adjusting to the loss of warmth
in five months, a 10 degree day will bring t-shirts
today, hats and mitts and wool sweaters
this morning
slurping my tea, i save my words and think my thoughts,

October 25, 2010

#606 welcome winter

the snow line shows a different world
a world i cannot believe will be here in weeks
good-bye grey and wet
hello white and clean
i'm ready

October 24, 2010

#605 i confess to all mighty gods


if i eat the bread but not the lie
will i go to your hell
which, i might add
makes more entertaining television than your heaven

and you who drink the weekly wine
but ignore the wino at your streetcar stop
and yell at your kids for whining when your patience is short
but wear your smile up the big concrete steps
to your fancy room of "worship"
where will you go after this life?

October 23, 2010

#604 14 and 1/2

his parents worry and question
which add to his withdrawal from life
and like teens over the last few generations
he finds solace in dark music and dark colours and dark emotions
he fights happy childhood memories
because they make him sad
carry him to an edge where he fears the wind will blow him off

October 22, 2010

#603 "weary, feeling small"

i've followed the expression cross that bridge when you come to it
for too long
now i face a web of bridges that all require crossing at once
a giant ball of knots
some are suspended, some are large, some even spiral
so many, i can't see the other side of the Paul and Art's River
my head is full of dark and heavy
please
ease my mind

October 21, 2010

#602 iPhoto


i look at the high school photo
my eyes are grabbed by the skinny boy on the right
his eyes say the whole world is watching me
his hands are clasped behind his back
as though he is a team coach of athletes, not one of a group of friends
i want to scream at him
stop being serious
relax
you won't even be in touch with these people in 5 years
but i know he will finish his high school years feeling out of place
i know this because i was him

October 20, 2010

#601 morning mourning

i missed the funeral by a day
the plane ticket was too expensive
visited this grave each of the five mornings since

each day i stared at this grass
inviting grief
today is the first day i cried

today i noticed the grass was cut
the image of a gas-powered lawnmower
(ride-on or push?)
running over her again and again
for four laps
brought tears and snot and choking sounds

October 19, 2010

#600 a vroom of one's own













i want to feel a cliched wind on a cliched open highway
to read pirsig and feel he's talking to me
i want to stop at a roadside tavern and bring my helmet in with me
to stop, on the shoulder, open my tool-bag, and solve some mechanical problem
i want to idle under an overpass and read a map while waiting out a rain
to ride past a long line of angry commuters to board the ferry
i want to meet another leather jacket, separated by a yellow line
to pass and to receive, the secret-wave

i don't need a harley or a ducati
just one i can call my own

October 18, 2010

#599 staring at a gold ring


there is a red-head somewhere in the world that stays in his head
he remembers, not every day,
but days like today
and he wonders where she is now
still in the big city?
still tough and vulnerable?
still single?
years after they last stood face to face
he remembers hers just as well
and he wonder
does she think of me?

October 17, 2010

#598 a promise named noose


how can i stay here
my sins are on my head like a hat
my neighbours fall into two groups
those who point and then insult
those who avoid eye contact and then whisper
every road sign, every radio song, everything says leave
except my word
i told her i'd stay
and so i'm here
don't feel bad
i own the insults and the whispers
my sin was a one-moment mistake
but it was My mistake



October 16, 2010

#597 workshops and editing


like a song brought to the band
he thought it was perfect
ready for sharing
he wasn't ready for the wheelbarrow full
of suggestions, opinions, complaints
but what hurt the most
they were right
eventually he separated himself from the puddle on the floor
and went back to work

October 15, 2010

#596 let us stay in this time, this place

in the name of childhood
let trash-can lids be my shields
and broom-stick handles be my swords
that cooking-pots protect my head and my life
as i protect yours

in the name of childhood
you in your tin-foil tiara
and bed-sheet gown trimmed with lace
i'll be your day, i'll be your knight
the only evil, is a dragon
such is childhood, so black and white

#595 hallowed be thy mane

your back faces my front
hands fill with prurience
needing and kneeding your exposed shoulder
limbs and moans
warm sweat and flushed flesh
your face
spasms, begs
your mane, spreads every direction
until
the collared gentleman facing us says
...forgive us our trespasses as we forgive...

October 14, 2010

#594 the smell of sulphur

dry grass and pine needles
small twigs
bigger twigs (all dry)
and the magic ingredient, birch bark

alone in the woods
out of parents' sight
i dig the matchbook from my pocket
read its grocery store slogan, where community lives

i tug out a single match
strike it, below my nose
savour the burning smell of sulphur
then, birch bark crackles my excitement out loud

then the grass and needles
the twigs, big and small

and i stare at the jar of gasoline
stolen from the shed

you can label me arsonist
but i don't trust people who say they never played with fire
the difference between us
is i slipped, i got caught

#593 handle with care

ever tempted to catch a falling knife?
perhaps it was your hand laid her in her precarious position on the kitchen counter's edge
your absent-mindedness left her forgotten there
and your thigh that bumped her
into her fall

but don't reach!
ignore your impulse to reach out, to help, to save
wait
let the knife hit the floor first
flesh is more sacred than linoleum

#592 December 25th 7:45 am, faking surprise

basements are a great addition to childhood
playgrounds of imagination mixed with limited supervision
a world of pirates and dragons and tickle-trunks
treasure hunts enjoyed in dim magical lighting

one boy playing a reality treasure-hunt
searching for the loot that makes christmas christmas for kids
shining and new
this is the boy's first year in on The Secret
revealed by Mother two months before
he stands on the camping duffelbag and slides the plastic top off the faded orange cooler
he discovers the jackpot
his wish-list's #1 item atop stocking-stuffers
page #102 in Sears Wish Book
he stares, then jerks the cover back over
climbs down
wishing he could forget what he saw

and the basement lighting seems bare and ugly

October 12, 2010

#591 finding home again

a place for exhaling and flopping
for recharging
a safe place to be me
a building with walls
a town with familiar smiles
these things yes, and something more
something inside me
alive and relaxed

#590 drowning anxiety

and the red wine pulls you by invisible leash
your safe friend at a party
as the red touches your lips, you relax
comfortable in your discomfort that makes you human
ready to join the masses

October 11, 2010

#589 we are both

some things should be clear
but it wasn't
so we didn't get to say goodbye
no words, no hugs, nothing
and we're kept apart by people in uniforms and their silly rules
are we numbers on a paper
or are we people

October 10, 2010

#588 innies and outies

you think the world is built for you
then something happens
proves you are as important as naval lint
you are rolled between the world's fingers, flicked, forgotten
yet, you must go on
must search for meaning from your random landing place
and remove the random

October 9, 2010

#587 "And that man comes on the radio"

the sound of satisfaction
is the sound of a beer k'chih-ing open
after hard healthy labour
wiping my brow with a sweaty forearm
sun making even the beer sweat

October 8, 2010

#586 questions i can't ask

how are you now
how do you feel about your life
do you regret smoking it away
do you regret your angry teenage actions
do you know how they hurt those who looked up to you
do you feel the best years are to come
feel like calling me as much as i do you
ask the questions you can't ask

October 7, 2010

#585 blind love

i was 11
i told her about how kittens' eyes
stay closed for a week or two

the way she looked at me
respecting my intellect
like i was something

my feelings for her were confused
i knew they were wrong and scourged myself at night
alone beneath bedsheets

but still
the memory of her eyes
reminded me of kittens eyes in the third week

and i was blind to my innocence
as blind as a kitten

October 6, 2010

#584 me plus twenty

i'm trying to make amends with my 11 year-old self
but he's not speaking to me
hasn't said a word in years
can't even look me in the eye without disappointment
won't yell at me or kick me or call me names
just stares
disappointed and angry

October 5, 2010

#583 channel 88

popular voices seep into my ears from the screen
and i forget
forget what 10 year-old me demanded of adult me
forget my potential
forget my responsibility
as recipient of the gift called time
that i squander in front of the stars

October 4, 2010

#582 a lonely harmonica

a lonely sound like the harmonica
unites people in their loneliness
in barrooms and bedrooms
and the more loneliness the musician taps and shares
the more united the audience in loneliness
and when the last chord finishes pushing through air and ear canals
the loneliness felt, expressed
can be left until next time

#581 haiku haiku

first you start with 5
then find 7 syllables
last, you end with 5

#580 nature haiku

trees are you's and me's
also, they hold our answers
back-of-mind questions

October 3, 2010

#579 go time

i'm not ready
prepared is not in my vocabulary today
i feels like everyone else is here to succeed and to mock me
every giggle and stare is meant for me
i'm not ready
stop the world, i want to get off
stop

okay
let's do this

October 2, 2010

#578 garbage day

i am in the compacting section of a garbage truck
things once nice, and useful
are now offensive smelling junk
the light overhead shrinks as a wall closes in on me
making me one with the stuff the world cast aside
my screams cease
useless over the screech of metal and the slow crunch of trash

October 1, 2010

#577 memories with cousins

drinking from a creek in a push-up position
daring each other to test the electric fence
jumping from the bridge after blind man's bluff
nights out in the backyard, camper or tent
sneaking berries from the garden
or carrots with a delicious hint of dirt
spontaneous ball games
cards on rainy days, go-fish