a girl i think
maybe a boy
she reached the size of a thumbnail
try not to tell me it's a blessing
try not to tell me it's nature's way
i am grieving a perfect baby
not a defect
but don't be scared
say something
if you don't know what to say, try i don't know what to say
if you think i'm sad, i am
if you think i'm happy, assume i'm faking
flowers and food and cards and calls
they help
i don't know why or how
they help the pregnant belly that never bulged feel real
make my confused feelings seem legitimate
give me the memories i feel cheated out of
i know time heals all
that's why i'm holding on
just help me through this moment, this minute
it's not the unintentional dead baby jokes that hurt
it's the silent assumptions of normalcy
hugs and kind words help me feel
make it real
they tell me i'm not stupid for being sad
for still waking up and going to sleep
grieving for a baby i never met
the idea of that baby
the idealization of that baby
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