#1540 carpenters

we pay carpenters to build these walls to hold our junk
stuff attached to cords that fits in the walls we bought
memories we change by trying to contain
in an 8 by 10 glass and cardboard box we hang on the walls we bought
seats and chairs we think we earned
security is not a word spoken or known by the lion or the rabbit
we push the furnitures so their backs are up against the walls
looking out, not unlike the bear's cave
public spaces are just inside the door we open to strangers
the private we hide at the back
bedrooms and ugly bathrooms

the guns in these vains are discharging
no one hears them but the ears in my aorta
i'm alone in this world of loners
a stone in this field of stoners
the lost and found bucket is full of forgotten possessions
where can i find my passions and obsessions
i speed to speed and work to work
we need a wrecking ball to crush these walls into beautiful rubble
memories of our imaginary secure bubble

joseph was a carpenter
built things from trees with his two hands
with callouses for a source of power

when we fill our walls with stuff made in foreign countries
we move into bigger walls
i say burn the moving boxes filled with toxic
stop
listen to our hearts speak truth at 58 beats a minute
57
56
55
hug a sinner and high five a saint
home is the volume knob turned low enough to listen to our hearts beat
all the human hearts on this here Earth beat-beating all at once
a roar louder than the gunfire in some country we can't spell

#1539 hard truths and soft hearts

you be you and i'll be me me
then our truth shall set us free

you be you you and then we'll see
if we can swallow that bumblebee

you be you, i'll be me
that same day we'll be we

we'll be we and the world will see
our truth will set us free

these shackles are but a dream
know matter how cold and heavy they seem

blink your eyes and throw them away
collect the bill Truth will pay

you be you and i'll be me
collect the bill Truth will pay

#1538 love along the river

i been in love half a dozen times before
but it turned to re-runs and it turned to war
i don't talk to them no more
i bought this here ring for that there finger
promising that our love will always more than linger

when i met you you had edge
dancing blidfolded on some planet's edge
but like a river stone
over time the sharp spots wore down smooth
now i can hold you to my chest

#1537 Christ

And jesus you helped me through my childhood, you and Mother Mary

Like the tooth fairy, You were there when I got my teeth knocked out

You were both lies

That I thought about with my mind on my pre-adolescent pillow

Just some 2000+ year old memory of a man a bit unhinged

A loser with a strange idea

A kid with a strange ideas about men helping men

A kid with a dad with a violent past

I could get some followers if I could use daddy’s magic to walk on water

Then turn the water to whine

Just a flip-flop wearing beard come from a Momma

With the world’s most famous lie

(Joseph got some somewhere)

The tooth fairy give me loose change

Jesus

You left me doubtin my heros and all the saviours

Left me wonderin if teachers and parents weren’t another lie

Like some giant bunny

Or some overweight man who lives north and visits the world once a year, squeezing through chimneys and fireplaces

Jesus you left me with a little voice in head, come from under my pillow

A voice that keeps tellin me how I ain’t worthy and that I’ll never be anything but dirty

Your momma might be the most famous lie, but you are the most powerful

2000years and still I’m trying to please ya despite the fact that I don’t believe in ya

you gave me satan and the lord’s prayer

the words of both, stuck in my head forever

wash my sins away with your wizardry and holy water

Jesus and the tooth fairy, where are you now

I’m laying in a back alley looking at my teeth in front of me on the asphlt broken through by a weed no one notices

And I sure would love to hear a father’s voice telling me I’m worthy

And I sure could use some change, in my life and under my pillow

#1536 prooofreader

how was i to know!
how? was i? to know?

in grade school we traded green grapes for storebought cookies
in junior high we started swapping strengths and weaknesses     
i the writer, you the mathematician
words my life, numbers your domain
we were there for each other's losses, keeping one another sane

how was i to know
that your heart was bleedin, not believin
that your thinker was thinkin in ink and
that your veins was rainin pains
how was i to know

how was i to know
that you forgot to indent your three paragraphs
that you split two infinitives
that you mismatched one subject-verb agreement
but more important you broke our agreement

you help me through math
i help you through proofreading
division for revision, revision for division
you broke our agreement
you split me infinitely
put a dent in my forever
how was i to know

your number was not up
nothing adds up like why did you do the take-away and remove yourself from this equation
you knew. you knew that what you did to the left side you had to do to the writer

you showed me a thousand proofs
well here's a proof for you
i'm still here
i'm still here
and...
you're not

we share a past, your life was a present, but my future is a lost tense
the subject verbed the object, you pushed the blade.
left me here alone
sentenced me to a fragment of what i was
depression and suicide are not grammar or math
these two negatives do not make no positive
today we are a vague pronoun reference
lost
i here and you there
and i hear you everywhere

i'd give my life to math to get your life back
if you'd have just given me the fucking letter
i could have fixed your feelings
edited your perspective
instead i'm left solving for X
where X is the unknown like
what was in your heart as you dotted your last period
did you proofread the page yourself
speak the words out loud
how was i to know

the lower case letter in the proper noun, the ir- in irregardless, the letter "a" in the word definately
worthless
worth less than the graphite your pencil sacrificed for your letter
worth less than any one of the tears my eyes cried for the memory of you
grammar and spelling are worth shit. the shit stain inside the toilet bowl that i threw up in after i got the phone call from the school counsellor
why was she calling me

how was i to know
how was i to know