#250 juggling and everything else

at first i fumble

and everything tumbles to the floor

slowly, impercepibly

i gain control

soon

it's four at a time, behind the back and under the legs

#249 drowning answers

business and business

numb my mind

numb my soul

a gin and tonic

hide the emptiness

my life

spend

drink gossip and dress nice

stay busy

don't question validity or authenticity

because you know the answer

#248 seduction

she draws me in

my laptop dance

her glow

temptress

offers nothing in everything's fashion

late night appeal

#247 here's to anxiety

the beer brings temporary relaxation

like junk food

and to-do lists

the ones where you star with things already done

imagined reward of a check-mark

the second is an error in judgement that leads to a seventh

#246 wwjs?

gold trim everything

expensive art everywhere, even the ceiling

materials and craftsmanship

second to few

and the man up front

the one in the expensive cape

preaches a sermon on humility and poverty

#245 Sunday

bibles with stiff bindings

sitting in a pew 3/4 to the back

quiet in the vestry

and don't

drop

the bread.

oddly,

the old-schoolers

are the only ones who stick their tongues out at priests.

sing a hymn to worship Him

who has abused so much

pain and war

love and consoling

suffering

suffering.

#244 fresh snow

the etch-a-sketch was inverted and shaken

no marks, all fresh

what did this valley look like before people and our buildings and our roads?

to look at one flake is to look at a world

and to look at a pile or a drift is to see another

tomorrow by 10am

the drawings will be drawn

but still there will be blank space

and still there will be kids gazing out the window behind the teacher's back

waiting for the 10:30 bell

wishing for gravity to let the minute hand fall to the 6

#243 one snowflake

darts left, fakes left

hovers

stops to ponder

swoops

floats

twirls

wonders

helicopters and spirals

down

always down

a battle of resistance and submission

not knowing that there is no end but the ground

like the trillion others

#242 return policy

all my thoughts turned to cheap confetti

my dreams transformed to plastic

my ambition is a name brand

my goals morphed into rotten carrots

how did i get here?

i've got the girl

the house

the job

happiness is the plastic in my wallet

and it fills its own void

in a numb and static cycle

how did i get here?

a phone call brings me to dirt

nothing my wallet can do

or my clothes or my status

i am an empty person in my empty world

where do i go?

#241 somewhere a clock...

time goes on forever

but hers is short

says the mouth above the tie and stethoscope's neck

time is short

what does that mean

as kids everything good takes a long time to come and passes so fast

her time is short

no

you can't say that

passing time

long time

time is short

killing time

wasting time

my time

our time

her time

#240 hubs breaking

maternal

social

first the potato peeler

now the after-school

cold decisions to be made

tickets unboughten

soft december snow sits

on shiny black headstone

a deafening introverted eulogy

chocolate cake behind the chair

they smile, polite

a weak story

but i will tell it

again

and again

and again

because that is what i can do

that is all i can offer

#239

pensandpaper and billsandcords

fill my desk, erode my contentment.

top up my anxiety, and empty my soul

clutter and stuff the recurring theme

interior and exterior.

clutter and stuff and stuff and clutter and chaos

i need

i need...

empty

space

#238 bullyee

they laugh

and so i smile

they poke

i smile

they trip and punch

i smile

i smile

i smile

do they know

do they care

they tease

i smile

i go home

i feel

i cry

#237 a fresh sheet

flapped and spread on us overnight

no one's awake yet

no wrinkles

no marks

the window sill

the lawn

the hedge

all covered

what is now a big white lump

was once the driveway's '93 toyota

that winter-spirit

was yesterday a 10 foot spruce tree

and that fluffed pillow in its ironed case

i'm sure was once a hottub

what was that noise?

i think they're getting up

#236 what did it look like before?

a grid of rectangles clutters the valley

and the slope of the bowl

has been knifed in places

top to bottom

neat, clean

dots slide on the spaces between rectangles

the bigger the space, the faster the dot

is this the where clouds are made?

boxes and dots puff out nascent clouds

that rise and join their ancestors

the center of the valley

a bullseye for boxes

the perimeter, more a scatter-shot of boxes

#235 darn needles

just let me finish this line says my girlfriend

surrounded by well-used needles

i DO NOT have a problem

those words travel miles, her lips to my ears

i go to bed

she stays downstairs

always just one more line

i complain about her addiction

but i benefit too

this year

she's knitting me socks

#234 stress and swimming

i can't eliminate the smell of chlorine

can't omit the stress

a shower only strengthens it

thinking about it enlarges it

#233 minimist

screw...

punctuation,

the articles

boringly unnecessary adverbs and adjectives

and

conjunctions

screw

punctuation

articles

adverbs

adjectives

conjunctions

#232 start with the kitchen sink

floors and my mind are clear

thoughts and belongings have found their place

stains and the nightmares rubbed out

coats all hung and priorities straight

dog hair and depression are memories

plants are watered and souls nourished

ready for guests and laughter

for sharing

for contentment of soul

#231 her

one window

that's it

the rest is black and grime and cold

that is my world

my window to the sky

shares the weather

shares hope and life

one window

that's it

but that's all i need

with my window

i can feel sorry for my prosecutors

my meals gourmet

my dreams real vacation

one foot tall, two feet wide

my view of life

my forehead tips back

passes my chin

and i live

#230 playing with others

a hand drum

a guitar

anyone have a capo?

a mouth harp appears from a back-pocket

and a girl starts to sing

a baritone moans behind her

accentuates the beauty, the femininity, of her voice

eyes close and bodies sway

#229 swimming

the black line hypnotises me

and the lengths lose theirselves

10?

12?

14?

the rhythm is overpowered only by the clean stench of chlorine

ever present

doubles in a shower

#228 inside the box

owns your living room

owns that thing inside your skull

hypnotizes, mesmorizes, euthanizes

jumping flipping surfing

our only channels for exercise

no time for friends and family

cleaning or accounting

running or swimming

22 minute bedtime stories for free

at a cost

#227 words fall

diary pages fall

as if in a sno-globe

floating fluttering

in a pseudo-perfect world

hit the ground

wait to be shaken upside-down

your words and your soul's secrets

made public without permission

and you're questioned about the life questions

you penned as statements

#226 mary-jack

her trailer once stood here

now nothing but a field

but with a reverent feel

like a vestry or a high-ceiling library

and though the trailer's gone

life reminds me of her

a radio left on for a pet

classy dangling jewelry

picking apples or berries

being told i know someone i don't

scrabble, holiday decorating, photo-filled walls

and then i'm in the field

and it reminds me of the reminders

#225 shock and grief

deserted beach pulls a girl

she walks walks

walks straight into the ocean

stops thigh-high

eyes still forward

feeling neither cold nor warmth

not wave nor grief

the body postpones feeling

knowing the risk of breaking

but soon a door will open and the storm will enter

#224 the casket

tell me who's dead

let me skip the back section,

the bishop's accolades.

childhood faces

stare from newsprint

scores of scores

old and new

tomorrow

today

and 1852

#223 seasons

a hundred and a half days ago

it was an overgrown hayfield

surrounded by infinite names of green

today

it is a meringue

surrounded by one white

next year

it will be suburban brown

the colour of progress

#222 written on the couch

do you believe the truth in your lie?

not only can you change the world

you will

but how

sitting in the couch receiving geostationary satellite signals

writing letters to friends

handwritten

will you lie in your truth

or will you lie in your truth

#221 frank

Peter built his church

and we build a highway

a tourist attraction

a town slept

and 100 never woke

did they hear?

think it was a dream?

how long did they live?

stories of gold never grow old

we played with nature

men digging man-sized boy's tunnels

and the mountain fell

the Natives would build a legend

a respected lesson

and we dig bigger tunnels

for paper

and build highways

for tourists and convenience

#220 similarities

hair in a garden

butter on rolls

nothing in her tea

beer in a bottle

butter on all trip-food

nothing else i can see

#219 constructive procrastinationing

laundry

cleaning

reading

studying

cuddling

cooking

fixing

procrastinating

#218 big little differences

the difference between action and acting

is the difference between hockey with a puck

and hockey without

the difference between a children's play and children's play

is a script

the difference between good teachers and good students

one pushes their students

the other pushes their teachers

#217 on age and time

time is like a train

so slow at the start of the ride

the adults don't understand how long "just one more sleep" is

but impossible to slow down when it gets moving

stuff flashes by and we can't go back

not on this ride

#216 jigsaw and her

the jigsaw puzzle covers half the kitchen table

a coral scene

bits of blue and pink and green

with their male and female parts and edges

concave and convex

she does 95% of the talking

90, if you count Mmhmm

i have two pieces in my hands

one mostly blue, the other mostly pink

and as they snap together

i dwell on how they fit because they are opposite

#215 on walking a trail

the black wet leaves are part of the path

black and transforming into ground

i awoke to smashed pumpkins

and a cold that laughed through my fall fleece

the next seven weeks will be cold and dark

the days will be so short they will be the longest of the year

then will come a decorated tree and a new calendar

snow-white snow

and blue-sky-blue blue skies

and the days will grow

shorter in feeling