March 28, 2013

#1415 the unfairness of time

father father, show me how
that was then and this is now
i look down at your shrinking frame
still 8-feet tall to me
sometimes i wish my world was so simple
that my jobs were blue
but then i know
i'd never reach the standard set by you
father father, fix the clock somehow

#1414 fifth gear and hauling weight

life is squeezed into the compact car
i slip the gearshift into reverse
roll out,
waving in the awkward way one waves
over-aware that this is a life-changing moment
then i'm on the highway, alone
as roadsigns whiz by
the dj's play the soundtrack of chapters past
and chapters ahead

#1413 in dog years

i'm the first to leave
hiding my yawns
stifling my opinion on the bar's choice of music volume
i use the excuse that i should go home and check on the dogs
everyone left their dogs at our place
fenced backyard

my dog stands, staring at me
to anthropomorphize
her star pouted
i'm tired,
why did you leave me with all these young pups?

March 27, 2013

#1412 i do

then, the weight on my finger was heavy
now, noticing requires intention
one of the everyday miracles we take for granted
like air and water and a roof

#1411 hall of fame

my mother's hands should be enshrined
the mother hall of fame
how many diapers changed
how many lunch sandwiches built
when does the committee vote
and how has no one heard

March 26, 2013

#1410 april

winter's dark ugly brown turns to spring dust
dancing like a music-box ballerina
behind each passing car
the asphalt holds warmth
holds promise
holds promises

#1409 the converted

went to the city
murdered a younger me
the sheriff wore a false badge
fooled me for years
penance was a lie designed to distract me
when i learned
i drew his gun, loaded
pointed the barrel at his phony trinket
passed him the gun and walked away


#1408 memorizing poetry

you turned the trees into words
cage/page the message
and now all we take with us beneath our headstone
is catchy jingles for burgers and beers
this is not their fault
this was us
we shackled our own wrists
and the only good news
we hold the keys in our selves

#1407 eve of destruction

you
the woods, an apple
me, and you beneath the tree
certainly a serpent there
fruit forbidden falls
before newton knew
now everything is ugly
i know innocence is lost
but still i try
penance
still i try

#1406 angel at the end of the road

the excitement of the catch
we boxed her, framed her as proof of our control
then traveled in yellow for hours
only to return again to the end of the road
she lay beside the nourishment we provided to keep our proof alive
she lay
dead

March 25, 2013

#1405 love

i used to be happy, with a book and an empty house
i still am, but only for a little while
then i start watching the window waiting
wondering, when she will be home

#1404 50 plus one

who's've guessed that the banjo would grow a cool factor
maybe there is hope for real music
that's not right, there is always hope for real music
and because of it
what i mean to say, is maybe there is hope for the majority

#1403 eyes closed, fifth row

that man doesn't play the guitar, the guitar plays him
the recording is good, but the moment is lost
the relationship between musician and instrument, between musician and audience
the song is for the moment, the moment for the song

#1402 worth the admission

there are 181 chairs
each holding one person
182 if you include his
but for those minutes
there is only him and his guitar
eyes closed
body moving the way a singer's body moves when the music takes them
his hair is a curtain that shelters him in this room with his guitar
allowing the audience only a glimpse

#1401 in the living room

i need you in the living room, said she
nothing, said he
i need you in the living room! said she
nothing, said he
so she went to see he
but it wasn't to be
for the last time he was asleep

March 24, 2013

#793 entitled

we have it all
we are not lazy
we aren't inclined against work
we just have no need
our parents do everything until we are 18
(or longer)
society will not let us fall too far down life's stairs
in fact society has a fence preventing us from getting near the stairs
with a bright ugly sign WARNING: STAIRS ARE DANGEROUS
and if we step over the sign and fall
somehow it's someone else's fault
maybe the sign wasn't ugly enough

i'm not lazy
i have no reason to work
my parents needed to work hard to earn anything
through their hard work, i am born with everything i need
and almost everything i want
i am not lazy
i am bored and ashamed
but i'm not lazy

#1400 100

soon i'll trade quantity for quality
a twig a day for a branch a week
seeing where they grow
the watering routine and the gardening methods might change
but the seed is in the ground
and soon is time to release control
soon it's up to the seed
all the gardener can do is water and weed and love

#1399 the things i would not be me without

cooking supper together
doing the laundry before she arrives home
reading together in bed
our evening walks
her questions, all her questions
and the smile

#1398 eight months

life is knocking
hello!?!
life is kicking and trying for high-fives
cartwheeling and somersaulting
growing bored
growing
not long now

#1397 good practice

he finds himself at a party
with many couples his own age
kids seem to outnumber the adults
all four and younger
several newborns
do you you want to hold her, asks one mother over the music, extending her second born
no thanks
c'mon, don't be shy, besides, she glances at his partner and adds with a smile, it'll be good practice

the baby is in his lap now, his hand supports the neck
she lets go, see, not so bad
he gives a polite smile to the mother
the baby coos and smiles
the stereo's playlist comes to an abrupt and
all eyes are on him
he can't look at his partner
all he can do is fight tears
and think about operating rooms and nurses avoiding eye contact

#1396 7am

four quick calls in succession
the crow on a branch in my neighbour's yard
telling me i should get up and go for a run
i flop my two feet on the floor
before my mind makes a million excuses
today
every day
a beautiful day for a run

March 23, 2013

#1395 1994

somewhere there is a Mixed Tape with his voice
and though i never look for it
i am afraid it will find me
especially when i'm searching the attic or the basement
for something else lost in box and in time
i a amazed by the power it holds in me
just one lost Mixed Tape

#1394 lub-dub

you can tilt your head to elevate your nose into the air
up above my rabbit hole
you can tip your chin down to look
down on how much time i spend here
hours on a couch or on my bed or on the magic-box
but when i come out
when i come out
i am a little closer to understanding the heartbeat of the universe

#1393 POP

people ask when you became You
and i'm not sure
but i remember an early day
you locked out the screen door
all the boys on the inside
you with a plastic sword in your hand
the biggest boy mocking you with a balloon filled big
with air anxious to escape
you didn't cry or whine or even pull on the door
you just stood
independent
determined

none of us boys saw the gap made by the door's window
but your smirk did
and so did your sword

#1392 machete

i'm sure you had
to go ahead of me in the
jungle with your
machete and your false
sense of confidence and without
anyone for to lead you
you were unequipped
and sometimes you forgot my feet were falling
yours and sometimes you
remembered and
were annoyed but
you kept hacking

#1391 it's 1989

the station us filled with kids
and towels and beach gear and fruit and drinks
and clutter
hard to believe anyone was ever new-car protective of her
giggles come from the back
three kids all leaning left
physically willing the car to turn left for ice-cream
the driver feigns to ignore
knowing, on the way back, he will turn right

March 22, 2013

#1390 established 1895

fernie fernie hold me tight
through the day and through the night
between two bridges, night and day and day and night
let the travellers pass on through
let those in need of healing stop to visit you
hugged by mountains hugged by life
still the ghostrider wanders still
look the other way to the hill

o fernie fernie hold me tight
i got my lies and demons to fight
between two ridges, day and night and night and day
let the banjos and the singers play
i'm sorry for what we take from you
erasing mountains erasing life
you give me three sisters but i miss my one
as the mountian tucks in the sun

fernie fernie are you alright?
below the city but such great height
between to bridges, fight and play and play all night
am i a traveller passing through
do i stop and worship you
hug him mountains and my wife
two's enough don't give me three
two's enough now let her be
two's enough now let her be

#1389 giving up the driver's license

childhood is my driver's rearview mirror
stretching out and fading away in front of me
following in front of me 'round every turn
since before my license earned
at first i stared at the buick ornament on the hood
but now i can relax and think about
things like what makes me bad what makes us good
objects in mirror are closer than they appear
said the words on all behind me
memories and dusty friends
that rhyme about 'til the end
but my principles have been my pals
and what goes up does not come down
like age that used to make me frown
now my white hair won't allow
cause childhood is my rearview mirror
and childhood it all looks clear

cause childhood is my rearview mirror
and childhood it all looks clear

#1388 dougall's lane

the half mile drive to childhood
used to be a half mile walk to the yellow bus
and we forget to see our own No Trespassing signs
my cursor knows the way
drives me, a passenger, often
in places
the treed walls so tall they mimic a ceiling
in places sides are open
windows that look one way
the trailer where i used to play
the last pitch was steeper then
reality and perception wore it down
park beneath the shade
leave the keys in the ignition
if anyone works their way out here
deserve is on their back

#1387 looking back

days and years
my worst friends and best enemies
kind words never spoken
tough words never heard
T-stops i never got to revisit
i should set up a booth at the carnival
psychology for $1
i should camp for a week
leave with a stick over my shoulder holding a handkerchief of fod

dance like the world is watching
love as though you've been hurt before
sing as though everyone can hear you
live as though there is no heaven

#1386 on depression as memory

the northern lights are doing an interpretive dance of the beauty you hand on to others
stars fall every night, to be closer to the life people get from your smile
the reason planets do not twinkle and blink, is because they don't wanna miss a word you say
gravity is a lie, the power of your love for life, is what pulls things toward the earth
the reason the sun climbs mountains each morning, is to see the world the way it is with you in it
anyone wants to know why i'm happier than i used to be:
ask aurora borealis
ask a falling star
ask the planets
ask descending objects
ask the sun

March 21, 2013

#1385 stilts

i'm searching for the something that i found in the smile in your eyes
something happens when you touch happiness
something good is created and floats into the world
there is no name for this something
but it is something the world needs ore of

for me, that something is like stilts under a roller coaster
making my highs higher, and my lows
adding joy to the cartwheeler in my stomach
and the moments before his cartwheels

#1384 the carpenter

the carpenter turns process trees into beautiful manmade items
useful
but the best
when you're alone on the bench, or in the room, or on the chair
you don't feel alone
you feel like you're alone in a church
alone with the spirit of the tree

#1383 more than walls and a roof

i ain't a mountain boy
but i weren't no ocean fish neither
i am myself anywhere and everywhere
at home no where
maybe if i were a singer
i'd find myself at home in the van on the road
or in front of the crowd on the stage
or an artist with my easel
but though i love music and art
they are not where i lay my head down neither
i guess i'm at home struggling to find a home i can call mine

#1382 the legend

he makes the guitar say things English has no words for
touches something so primal i'm not sure if his music is an ancient language
or if it pre-dates language
expressing the feelings that language tries to do second hand
like a map of the Earth tries to copy the Earth itself

March 20, 2013

#1381 it's not easy being green

during the eulogistic song
how did big bird not stop and cry
he must have stepped out of his big yellow self
as he sang about being green
must have disappeared to nowhere
or transported to somewhere
for those 110 seconds
before his big orange legs carried him away
surely, surely
he cried then

#1380 no siren here

as i headed to your house
i noticed the ambulance
it was driving at a relaxed pace
and the lights were off
unlike the lights in your house when i walked up to the entrance
i knocked
and knocked
had come so far to see you
across geography and circumstance

that's when i remembered the ambulance
and knocked harder

#1379 forgotten photos

i'm in a forgotten folder on my desktop
filled with photos
of a love i thought i had
the edges of the screen
hide all that wasn't in the shots
harsh words and selfish thoughts
disapproving glances and lonesome cots
and i wonder where she is
what she's think of me now
i am motivated to be better
but the motivation feels brown and black and grey and no shade of pure

#1378 nature's silent show

i could watch snow fall on snow for hours
like water fountains and campfires
the slow stacking of snow mesmerizes me
i sit on the railing between the world and my own head
unaware of the railing beneath me
unaware of my own staring
my gaze is pulled down
by the gravity of the white dots falling to the ground
i look back up, only to have my eyes pulled to the ground again

#1377 smiles

dear stranger,
i'm not good at first impressions
i'm awkward and unconfident
acknowledge me
smile
smiling helps me to relax
i'm more comfortable in my own head
but smiles, they convince me that its safe to come out

March 19, 2013

#1375 BM

1 kids misbehave. scratch that, people misbehave
2 understanding why someone is misbehaving helps with how to respond
3 humour is a powerful tool. use it for students, not against them
4 truth can be a form of humour
5 a caring teacher is an easy target for misdirected anger
6 a caring classroom is the result of countless decisions, and never happens overnight
7 learn from other teachers in your school
8 help other teachers (the ones who are down, the new ones, the guest ones)
9 push yourself to achieve everything you expect and hope for from students (respect for others and yourself, best effort)
10 find joy in your job
11 greet your students by name and with eye contact. learn what is important to them. not as manipulation, not as obligation, but genuine interest in learning about them.
12 tell people when you're feeling overwhelmed
13 teachers matter. i have never met anyone who didn't recall at least one teacher fondly.

#1374 i can canoe a canoe, can you?

let me begin with a cliche...
my life is a river
fast and slow and changing
and in this river
you are sometimes my canoe
and you are sometimes my paddle
i could survive without
by drifting
and being at the mercy of the river

March 18, 2013

#1373 twenty-something

hung on walls with darts, like hockey cards
we traded body parts, dog-eared our hearts in the dark
in the early morning our strategic clothes
grew out of the hardwood floor like flowers from the earth
we blamed booze for shared secrets and felt guilt for five days
until the next weekend arrived
when we chose clothes again
to go to hear the same thump-thump
in the same lighting that made us feel good
lose ourselves in the present
running from our pasts
ignoring our futures



March 14, 2013

#1372 hellmark moment

i want to send flowers
but i'm afraid of the awkward thank-you
i want to say the right thing that makes you happier
but i know i'll i'll insert my merrell in my mouth
i want you to know that i'm thinking of you
that my heart wants to take off its coat and offer the coat to your heart
instead
i write a poem you'll never read

March 11, 2013

#1371 american bobber

the paradise of river-rock shines now
between the water and the snow
a foot wide, a river long
the bobber does his dance
between graceful and awkward
finding life, along the edge

#1370 thermometer rising

we wash windows
speeding spring's victory
spread piles of snow into blankets
and wait for the sun to round the house
we pack away our biggest boots
optimistic
we fill with the feelings of hope
that new year's teased

#1369 until next sunday

cars fill empty spaces
cars
clean, expensive
well-dressed people
close car doors
clip-clop to the double-doors
for one hour, they show one another how Christian they are
then, the parking lot empties

#1368 max load

turning the wrench
twisting the bolt
spring-loaded
torquing
i feel the tension
in my wrist
in my arm in my life

#1367 building in bulk

the carpenter came yesterday
he arrived with a truck full of supplies and tools
he unloaded it all
set everything up
built me my door
packed up everything and left
it took most of the day
then he packed up and left
and i wished i'd had him build another door
to divide the cost
to make the effort worth the reward

and today i sit here
staring at my laptop screen
thinking how poetry is like carpentry
the effort to build one door
to write one poem
is more than to build a second door
or to write a second poem

#1366 flies buzz

flies buzz
lame attempts at coming to life
lazy and stupid
and i watch them
from the couch where i fell asleep

#1365 first world poetry

scarcity and deservedness improve satisfaction
the last beer in the fridge after a filling the howmow for next winter
but in this world of plenty and easy
how often
in houses full of junk and excess and comfort and ease
do we feel that satisfaction

#1364 out like a lamb

winter's feeble final attempt
fails to even hide the asphalt
disappears by lunch
except in the best of shadows

we can no longer ignore
spring is here
we wait for machines to clean streets
for restaurants to restore stored tables to patios

snow-plows slumber in hibernation
big flat shovels slink to the back of sheds
rakes and hoes and spades
eager to take the place of their winter counterparts

March 10, 2013

#1363 wishing you well

Dear Friend
i know we haven't spoken in two years
and i've owed you an apology since that night
i took your authenticity and generosity
and i hocked a loogie and spat on your kindness
i hope you take no offense to me calling you Friend
for you were more Friend than i deserved
losing my self in any moment
avoiding the thoughts and self-hate that filled my cranium
was more important to me
than recognizing the humanity in humans
living that life, surrounded me with people doing selfish things
you were different
i remember that
i can never undo what i did
and the word sorry echoes more empty than an abandoned wishing well
sincerely,
adam

March 8, 2013

#1362 the dory story of gory and glory

i thought i was strong
i was strong
in that small world
and as the old dory came toward me
i tried with every muscle i had
i found muscles in my toe nails
straight-armed and breath-held
i tried to stop her
and she hit the dock with a gory CRASH

the girl opposite me was tiny
she was tiny
a tiny girl in a tiny world
and as her dory slid slow toward her
i fretted with every muscle i had
i found fret in chest hairs i didn't even have
face-frozen and breth-held
i watched her
and her dory kissed the dock
as she guided it slightly sideways with a gentle one-handed glorious nonchalance

March 6, 2013

#1361 coalescence

i used to go with my dad to his work at night when he worked overtime at a job he didn't like
his hands were and are magic
able to fix trucks so big they needed special doors to fit them inside the garage
when he would weld he would tell me to look away
but sometimes i had to sneak peeks and steal glances
because his concentration was a beautiful thing
i had to look
because his focus caused sparks and light to ignite
between his hands and the object of his attention

that is how i am with you
your smile changes the sunlight on a summer day
changes the glow in our bed of the alarm clock
illuminates the miraculous magic in an ordinary moment
you are the extra in my life that makes the ordinary
extraordinary
your smile for life
is the rush that i'd get when watching my Dad build something from wood
that moment an hour into the creation process when i realized what the creation would be
your smile lights up the long-dark places in my being
being dark from not seeing light for decades
dirt basement rooms in old abandoned houses

the arc between your smile and my dark rooms
makes me smile in my sleep
makes me smile in my sleep
makes me smile in my sleep

March 5, 2013

#1360 the writing on the wall

in a house of walls filled with trinkets stating
LOVE
FAMILY
HAPPINESS
sits a kid
wishing the words were more than words on a wall