September 28, 2010

#576 time

how do i have so much time now
i slowed down
i'm doing less
but getting more done
less hectic, more satisfaction
less to-do, more doing

September 27, 2010

#575 12-paned mirrors and mulligans

12 panes
12 pains
last night's choice reflected
12 times, the pain reflected
some people make bad choices
but the world lets them off
the etch-a-sketch of life and decisions is shaken clear
the i promise i'll never, is granted
this mirror tells me 12 times
i am not on that list this morning

September 26, 2010

#574 gold chalice

at what point will the catholic voice stop speaking in my mind
chastising and self-judging
you are not welcome
i am imperfect
i am good
take your gold chalice and go somewhere you'll impress
your time and effort is wasted in my mind

September 25, 2010

#573 sunny early october day

a month of rain frays the spirit
but last night the sky changed colours
bright blue with a ball of light
this is what we needed after rain rain and more rain
we will walk outside with as few layers as possible
indoor jobs will procrastinate themselves
hats and and mitten and knitted socks will stay in cardboard boxes
for an extra little bit
and when winter knocks
we will be ready to open the door

September 24, 2010

#572 perspective or not

the nicer she is too other people
the meaner she is to me
a tough week equals lots of public smiles
and even more life-hurtful words
and even in perspective
these accusations seem harsh
but i'm not in perspective
and they sound mean and rude and spiteful
and after years of doubting
i've learned we'll get through this and find happy moments again
but still
harsh words hurt

#571 black and white

i'm a white man
educated and middle class
and i'm gonna stop apologizing
start recognizing
the things that come my way
'cause the colour of my epidermis
'cause of what i got
not
between my ears or caged in my ribcage
but between my legs
no not my mind or my heart
but because of another part
that only half of us got
the jobs
the weight on my words
the habit of interrupting
priveledge or right
some things ain't right
i'm a white man
and i won't say i'm sorry
'cause what is my story
i can walk down any torontonian street
not worry about getting raped
by that big guy who looks like that's how he gets his
i'm a white man
i've got things i didn't even realize i was receiving
because the world can be deceiving
hiding the truth behind the 4 star resorts, statistics, and the dark of the night
the throne speech is spoken to me
i'm a white man
i vote, got money, got schoolin'
or should i say schooling
i don't hide my low self-esteem under an overpriced hat
not a victim of societal lies
my belt lies not at my thighs
at my waist
my waste is not knowing what i got or how or where to use it
i'm a white man
don't feel bad for me
i'm the overpriveleged you see
i don't call my guy friends the N-word, or the B-word
to steal back my power that history stole from me me through my ancestry
i'm a white man
if i succeed,no person will say, congratulations, you're a tribute to your race
race what race?
the races are in life and i had a 2 hour head start that no one told me about
my athletic accomplishments are not followed by, especially for a woman
i'm a white man
living in a white man's world
doesn't mean i suffer
but it doesn't mean i like it
say what you want
i'm a white man

#570 uncool poet tries street verse

Have my heart but don't halve my heart
I wanna court you, cavort with you
Support you and sport you
Care for you, carry you
Want you to need me, and you to kneed me
Touch my skin, touch my soul
Help me out of the hole, and help me feel whole
All this and more, just let me be your
Let me have you, just let me have you

#569 a lesson from Lexi


as a kid
i spent hours searching through good clover to find one with four leaves
now
i look at my furniture and wish it was more expensive
then i feed the dog
brown kibble
again
for the 5000th consecutive meal
and her excited tail beats the floor

September 23, 2010

#568 do you know where your children are?

black eyes and bloody knees
all things i hope happen to my kid
and hope never happen to my kid

why, as they walk out the door,
do we choose the words be careful
why not take risks

though bubble-wrapping our kids
and 100% supervision are tempting
i fear the consequences

September 22, 2010

#567 white paper on hardwood floor

stories fall together on a floor
piles form
and with the piles, new stories
common connections, common themes, common images
paper-clipped together
chapters form
old memories build new ideas for new stories

September 21, 2010

#566 My Spirit and Danny's Hip Bones

All feels broken

The law cracked my spirit

Killed my motivation to belive in good

Danny's desk stands empty

The Ruler sits atop the scene, doing nothing

Danny was smacked dead by a car

The car had too many drinks

The driver ran away

Until he was found

The law raped my spirit

I heard his truth change by steps, as the true story was revealed

The young man received 60 days house arrest, his parents' house
While Danny received a lifetime of house arrest, his cramped new bachelor suite
And the car
Still drives the main street
Up and down
Up and down
Free

September 20, 2010

#565 childhood memories

the field was full my last visit
now it is nothing but one shade of brown
no flowers, no grass, no life
and i wonder
from where will the next 500 come

September 19, 2010

#564 staring at my bicycle

cinnamon and white sugar on evening toast
a new snack to us
special
and i haven't made it in decades
but the thought, the thought of the taste
yanks me backward through time
and i am there
and she pays attention to me
talks to me like i'm more than just a dumb kid
and the memory lives somewhere between my hair and my neck
though i struggle to understand the reason
when i can't remember this combination lock that i bought just two weeks ago

September 18, 2010

#563 overwaitea

i saw an acquaintance at the store
and became aware of my heart, the organ
tight
constricted
the man was nice
i just do that
irrational fear
hyper-perception and evaluation of each word
after it falls from my mouth
then in the car, alone with my negative self-talk
i replay the encounter
and scourge myself for stiffness and awkwardness
and then i get home
over the fence, i see my garden gnome
smiling
because i'm home
me
and i'm okay again

September 17, 2010

#562 the gnome and me

my garden gnome greeted me as i opened the gate
stood up cheery, said Hello, and kissed me on the cheek
she wore an autumn sweater under a down vest
she had been encouraging the tomatoes to ripen
and tugging at grass and weeds as she did so
she walked in the house with me
and now she's fixing pasta sauce
oh, and did i mention
i'm marrying her

September 16, 2010

#561 he's back

a buzz
44 eyes alive
eyes riveted
butts bouncing
text books open
and forgotten
his first they-get-it! moment
in too long

September 15, 2010

#560 man's best friend

goodbye Sorrow
we had some times
now i ease you into this hole
beneath our favourite tree
years from now
someone will read the stake and wonder
who we were
RIP Sorrow 1990-2004

September 14, 2010

#559 persistent depression

i talk out my problems
i run to stay healthy
eat well
and i see dog hair on the floor

i've swept floor the last 15 days, consecutive
brush bags of hair from the source
vacuum
but still, it appears

September 13, 2010

#558 reflecting on time

here i stand
in front of a paned mirror
pained
a clock on the wall in front of me
because of the clock on the wall in behind me
i remember watching my father shave
wishing the years away until it was me
i remember mother cutting my hair
wishing the minutes away so i could go with friends
and i think on life

how i watched the second hand
hop one babystep at a time
with long pauses between
mocking my impatience
and all the while
the hour hand flew
imperceptible for its steady speed
and now i sit
unshocked by the white on my head
and below the clock
my son stares at the razor in my hand

September 12, 2010

#557 one, two, three...

the night before the night before
is when i get my sleep
the night before is a long-shot gamble
and the odds increase when expectation and need is lowered
still, ceiling-staring is often the effect
and "night before" the cause

September 11, 2010

#556 weighty words

there is a weight that travels with many road partners
authority
height
position
confidence
and we listen to these people
their words lowering our scales further than the words of others
call it bias
call it stereotyping
but we all do it
and if you say you don't
i call you a liar

September 10, 2010

#555 ground hockey

my eye is 7 years old
and hurts
a lot
a puck hit my eye
there is no blood
and i can see good.
Mike and Tavis and Sandy (the older neighbourhood guys)
they're impressed I'm not crying
so i'm smiling
even though my eye hurts, a lot.
but Sandy high-fived me
and Tavis has his arm around my shoulders
and Mike's holding my stick
and i'm cool.
i try for this moment everyday.
if i knew all it took was a puck in the eye
i would have tried goalie long ago.

September 9, 2010

#554 grampy

i don't remember him talking
not much anyway
just watching from the corner of the kitchen
or from the backyard swing
sharpening the chainsaw
smoking
adjusting the radio

and doing grandfather things with me
digging worms and fishing
gardening
picking berries
playing cards

now he lives
but i only have clues and guesses of when and how
in my mum's thoughtful gazes
in our family's thing for music
in a field of blueberries
in a worm on a hook

#553 incompetent swordsmanship

i slayed the dragon
crossed the moat,
knelt on one knee
and handed the princess my flower
your flower is wilted, said she
and critiqued my swordsmanship

head down,
i left the castle
searching for a new quest
another dragon
another flower
another chance

September 8, 2010

#552 when i'm gone, heartbreak hotel

all the songs speak of us
us now and us then
the lyrics and the melodies
when will someone write a song about something new?
something not Me and You?
elvis and eminem
they all knew us
i could use the lyrics
to prove it in court
i just wonder
how i never noticed before

September 7, 2010

#551 order switch

cheese and macaroni
jam and peanut butter
meatballs and spaghetti
pepper and salt
women and many
gentlemen and ladies
lightning and thunder
home and house
groove and tongue

#550 it has ben a pleasure serving you, now it's our turn

we're sorry. we're sorry, we are currently experiencing higher than normal call volume. please wait for the next available agent

but here's the problem:
they've played this rcording the last four times i called
and here's the bigger problem
we put up with it
sure we complain
but we do nothing
allowing business and policy to hold scepter over our everyday lives
we write science fiction about machines taking over the world
but we don't see the irony in listening on hold on one machine
as another machine speaks an apologetic script

September 6, 2010

#549 stolen moment

a candle and a laundry basket and silence
except for the washer on rinse cycle
she stares at the fingernail-size flame
her thoughts on hold
watching the fire sway and jump and bow
a mental to-do list forgotten
for an extra ordinary oasis
a mind relaxed
a soul at ease
then reality returns
as the washer jump-thumps-jump-thumps
she hops to her feet
blows out the light and rushes to the appliance

September 3, 2010

Will Be Skipping a Couple of Days (Camping and going to Ben Harper)

#548 wrestling to win


Judd and Nelson, fused by a nelson into

one creature

a creature of arms, and legs, and sweat

beautiful

repulsive


the desk riffraff watch from armchairs
the wannabees cheer from gymnasium bleachers
But Judd and Nelson are
one half of a larger whole

The desk riffraff watch TV’s from chairs

Others watch from gymnasium bleachers

But Judd and Nelson are one half of a larger whole

One the blade and the other the full haft of an aristotelean knife

Judd scoops a calf

relinquishing a neck


The ring is a flacon

Warm breath mixes with sweat and the salty canvas

There can be just one winner

But both competitors walk away better men

#547 a band-aid and children's glue

i judged her

the arc shape of an egg is the strongest shape in existence
when pressed just right, the egg will withhold incredible force
but for all that bravado, the egg is as fragile a thing as nature has produced

i judged her as 29-year old white trash
but inside was an 8 year-old girl
whose trust was perverted by
a grandfather who hated himself
a child, forced to do adult things
skip childhood instead of rope
play with genitalia instead of dolls
climb into adult beds instead of children's treehouses

her self-esteem is an empty eggshell broken into three-hundred pieces
held back together with a band-aid and children's glue
Judgement
a temptation for fools and idiots

#547 lament for family lost

wily red hair and voice weathered by ancient ocean
he is the voice of michael, providing reason and meaning
he sits on a stool, attached to his guitar by a plain leather strap
his eyes are closed and maybe watery

he'll finish the set
and accept a pint from a patron
and stare into his glass
a sad crystal ball
he'll go home to no one and cry for himself
and for Mary's Michael
he'll remember his child
and the small free bird's fall

September 2, 2010

#546 "our freedom's a joke, we're just taking a piss"

i used to have bright eyes
now my inner voice is as chipper as Oberst
if you think you leave in a free country
try the nearest border crossing
better yet, try with a sense of humour
and why?
to keep the bad guys out?
to eliminate smuggling?
and so we release our rights
and wonder what's left
knowing something's wrong
and i pretend i'm different because i write
sure there's fire in my eyes
like a digital fireplace
a screensaver of virtual logs

#545 good men make tough decisions

go ahead
twist fact and rearrange truth
besmirch
pervert
omit the inconvenient and focus on the juicy
but at night
his pillow knows that he tried to make the world a better place
and all while you spewed your petty words

#544 time to gear down

in the dream i am learning to drive standard on a Rav4
i am driving town streets
at each stop sign i
exert myself to stop
but each time
i roll through
sometimes
at the 4way stops
i rarely miss hitting or being hit
other cars

i wake up
exhausted