October 31, 2009

#214 naming our son

i said Apu
and Tyrese and Tyrone
suggested Jamal
and Kobe too

she said
no! those aren't right
but i knew she meant...
something more white

so i suggested one whiter
than pre-tiger golf...
i said, hey
how 'bout Adolf?

here i'll end and not go on
but suffice it to say
our son's name is John

October 30, 2009

#213 them vs. us

speaking was out of the question
they were the enemy
their uniforms made them look intimidating
so we made fun of them
in numbers
jealous of their talent
and them the same

October 29, 2009

#212 extra kibble/dog day afternoon

at ten a.m., i overheard my boss saying to my best friend
that i was incompetent
and my friend agreed
at lunch, i opened my bag and my soup had leaked all over my weekly reports
at two, i handed in a photocopy of the reports and the stains
to my boss
at 6, i stopped to pick up supper
and realized i had two dollars and thirty cents,
at the cash register,
while my old high school english teacher stood behind me in line
but when i got home,
when i got home
i saw her tongue in the window
and when i opened the door,
when i opened the door,
she smiled at me and wagged her tail


October 28, 2009

#211 alternative treatment for depression

her sunken head, her big brown eyes
she alternates
staring at me, staring at the object at my feet
we've been here before
many times

i bend down
pick up the object
hope invades her eyes

i throw it away, again
she chases
drops the sphere of our joint attention at my feet, again
and wags her tail

October 27, 2009

#210 mount fernie

as fall and winter overlap,
a half-moon works in a sky half-filled
with cloud
at the end of twelfth street
illuminates
a ghost ship, but bigger
the mountain's hull, black
blends and blurs with the valley landscape
the mountain's masts, white
jump into sight
levitate
and i see the mountain for the first time
again

October 26, 2009

#209 november dump









soft silent snowflakes the size of marshmallows
pulled to the ground
no wind, no bite
zip the jacket, yes
all the way, no
find a field or a trail or a hill
the world's oldest etch-a-sketch awaits
bring the dog or the snowshoes or the skis
be a kid
laugh
jump
play

October 25, 2009

#208 74.125.74









everyday i see you
wonder who we are
how our lives bumped
our circles encountered.
an ocean view,
mountain view?
a dot on a map...
i know the map,
not the dot.
a place,
a name,
and an identity...
California

October 24, 2009

#207 wallflower

the tentacles slipped around me
they waited in every room
in every stranger's smile
in every set of folded arms
everything i spoke sounded stupid
i peeled my beer label with my thumbnail
caught myself and stopped
caught myself again

#206 yanging with procrastination


emptying the toaster-tray
opening the Pink-Elephant book on your night-table
changing the porch light bulb
all procrastination
doing things instead of the Should-Do's and Have-To's
sometimes, screwing the Should-Do's is good
be aware of Procrastination's power
she looks slender and inviting
until she flips you in a headlock
don't let her waste your time
but appreciate when she seduces you from the Should-Do's
practice resisting her kisses
but give in when her ideas are life-giving
the Should-Do's can wait,
despite the World's opinion

#205 how to eat an airplane


play guitar 5 minutes a day
juggle once
post one poem
exercise
read a chapter
call a loved one
do something scary
kiss her

October 22, 2009

#204 thank god...

grids and blocks
signs and laws
STOP
LEFT TURN ONLY
one inch lush grass
shining white suburbans
traffic lights and noisy fights
crosswalks and cross walks
skylights but no sky lights

October 21, 2009

#203 before sitting with tea and the paper

the floor, cold on my feet
the toilet, ice
the fire ended through the night
i slept, uninterrupted
but this morning, my duvet cocoon
was the only warm spot in the house
the shower starts icy and warms
the furnace bangs as i toss in logs

October 20, 2009

#202 ...promise to repeat

when i started punching and shoving other boys to fit in
the day i was told to stand in the back row for class pictures
long able to see the top of the fridge
now without tiptoes
back to back, taller than Mom
an impossibility to the younger me
i learned about sex
and pretended to know anything i didn't
saw different friend take different paths
adults one moment, children the next
first kisses, first drinks
too often coincide
some secrets will someday be shared with parents
others never
realizing some teachers were lazy and none knew everything
supervision dropped
team bus-trips and hotel rooms


October 19, 2009

#201 paper wait

a shoebox squish-full of receipts
mostly white
some crisp, some crumpled
some smudged with dates rubbed out
but we just reached the cardboard
the bottom of the ALDO box
fresh start
and we promise it'll never get this bad again
again
and there's adrenaline and high-fives and hugs and kisses
a weight has been lifted
a paper weight

October 18, 2009

#200 ebb and flow

the intertidal zone is laid bare to enjoy
slackwater coincides this time
but i worry about what's coming

i am with my girl
our last argument was months ago
the synapses in my cortex forgot the path
that remembers how it was her fault
or if

we pack camp stove and tent and gear, walk home
make love on fresh sheets
fall asleep spooning

at 6am
the phone rings

October 15, 2009

#199 steps

stepping to the doorstep for today's training run
sitting at the desk for the novel
pressing start for timed guitar practice
dialing to tell the girlfriend i love her

leaving on the ground the tug-of-war rope
pulled by resistance, procrastination, self-justification

no excuses
only decisions

and
while the best predictor of future choices
is past choices

each day is new
each hour
each decision

shake the universe
do great things, big and small
especially the small ones
because they are the big ones

items
transferred from daily checklist to daily checklist
for too many tracks in your life

October 14, 2009

#198 fernie candles

my best friend is almost twice m age
yet he's younger than me
50's the new 20 here
the air, the people, the mountains
age is more than a candle count
experience
life experience
real life experience
a -26 thumb out under an overpass experience
grows youth
and age grows experience
so age grows youth

#197 evening out

red wine
brickhouse
friends
old and new
conversation
shallow and funny
deep and funny
its all good
even the bill

#196 accessory

around my neck
over-over-under-through
tighter tighter
fit the code, fall in line
and more people call me mister
unearned respect
imagined status

October 13, 2009

#195 on completing a marathon

at the end, what do you really have?
sore legs?
a time?
a medal like all the others'?
but what else?
a new comfort zone
a bigger answer to I can...
an accomplishment that no one can strip
and yes
sore legs too

October 8, 2009

#194 real men...

tap in the 8-ball
know when to fight
know when not to fight
have made mistakes, big ones
have met their dark side
fix things
play
own hammers and a skill-saw
buy flowers
possess more strength than they show
can be quiet
honour women

October 7, 2009

#193 go outside, skip

when did you stop skipping and rolling as forms of transportation
stop shouting and running as acceptable means of showing excitement
do you remember how huge the halls and walls were in kindergarten
taking each stair up one foot at a time, then hopping or sliding down
when hands weren't necessary for eating
velcro on your feet
when bedtime stories opened magical worlds each night

when did you grow up
when did you forget the magic

October 6, 2009

#192 destination vacation

Main Street
attractive false fronts
early Sunday run, dawn
broken bottles and frozen puke
city workers are just leaving The Yard
the hours between the late drunks
and the glitzy tourist shops
fooling ourselves into thinking this is paradise
and maybe it is
if we succeed in the deceit

October 4, 2009

#191 a dream

a cabin in the woods
see people once a month
food
library
family news
meet all the thoughts my life avoids
shames
fears
inadequacies
to persevere on my own
no distractions
no help

October 3, 2009

#190 bathroom sink and empty bakeware

i was destined to change the world
but to-do lists interfered
and for all my twenties i blamed a girl
yesterday's excuse
no longer holds any use
i bit resentment and blame
dirty bathroom sink
but the whole time the calendar was flipping
i was learning without knowing
learning to change the world

October 1, 2009

#189 chewing the pew

teeth on the pew
varathane in my mouth
the priest moves his mouth
but his words blur into background sound, hum of a fridge
if mum asks me about the homily
i'm in for it
and no Sunday Donut
i stand
because everyone stands
bow my head in pretend prayer